For Better or For Worse
by Comrade Buttons
Summary: One crew member didn't survive the suicide mission. Commander Shepard has a difficult time dealing with the loss of her companion. When the Illusive man proposes to revive their comrade, she fears not everybody will be happy about it. *Fem. Shepard/Garrus
1. Chapter 1

It had been two months since the Normandy team had returned from the journey through the Omega relay. Kita Shepard leaned against her shower wall, letting the steaming hot water pour over her neck and shoulders. Liara was heading over from the Shadow Broker's – now her – ship for an asari massage session.

Shepard closed her eyes tightly, not really certain if she was up to the company. At least Liara was quiet. She needed quiet.

When she arrived, Liara's deep blue eyes were full of concern. "Shepard. I'm sorry I'm late."

Shepard wore a plush white towel as she beckoned the asari forward. "It's no problem, Liara. Come on in."

Liara carried a tote full of various lotions and creams, as well as a scent diffuser which she placed promptly on the bedside table. "Lie down and try to relax," she said softly.

Shepard obliged her, although the whole thing felt more like she was doing Liara a favor more than the other way around. She knew it was wrong of her to think like that, but that was the state her mind had been in the past two weeks. Everything seemed like work – especially socializing.

The moment Liara's hands fell upon her shoulders, however, the tension she had felt over having to entertain melted away. She let her eyelids fall shut and tried to relax her muscles while Liara rubbed her demons away.

After the massage, the two women spent time reminiscing over glasses of wine on the sofa.

"I noticed your crew has diminished some since I was last onboard."

Shepard shrugged. "Samara's contract with me ended, more or less, when we returned from the collector base. We keep in touch, though. She's on Omega doing some… community service. Thane spent some time on the Citadel to be near his son, but he's back on the Normandy now."

"And how is Thane? You know, Feron really enjoyed having another Drell to talk to. I'm… not always such good company; my work keeps me so busy."

"The most recent transmission I received didn't sound so good. I'm not sure how long he's got left. He expected to die in action; we all did, I suppose."

"I still can't believe Garrus is gone," Liara said in a low tone. "He was so full of life. Even the last time I saw him, although I could sense a darkness within him, I knew I wouldn't have to worry. Garrus could take anything thrown his way."

"Almost anything."

"Shepard… I'm truly sorry for your loss. We all miss him, but it's different for you, isn't it? The two of you were very close."

"He was… my best friend. I don't think there's anybody in this universe I trusted more than him."

"I know his felt the same way about you, Shepard."

"Poor Garrus," Shepard muttered. "He just wanted one thing to go right for once. He tried so hard… and look what it got him"

"Forgive me, Shepard, but I've discussed this with some of your crew. I'm told it was… very sudden."

"He was taken by a seeker swarm. They just… carried him off."

"I apologize. I should not have brought the subject up."

"No, it's alright. I haven't really gotten a chance to talk to anybody about it."

"Will you be alright? I can come back tomorrow if you'd like some company."

"I'll be fine. But thank you, Liara. I think I needed this."

"Then I suppose I'll get back to my ship." She set down her empty glass and began gathering her massage tools. "Would you like to keep the diffuser? I thought if might help you sleep."

"Thank you. It's a nice scent."

"It's from a flower that only blooms at night on my home world. When I was still living there, I found it very peaceful to go to sleep with the fragrance wafting through the windows."

"I appreciate it."

Liara hugged her then and when she pulled away her eyes were sad. "Be well, my friend. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make things easier for you."

Shepard walked with Liara to the airlock before saying good bye. The ship was lonely again. It had been bad enough losing most of the crew during the sneak attack by the collectors. Those who remained – Tali, Doctor Chakwas, Joker – had their own troubles, their own losses to deal with. She knew it was not proper for a commander to lean on her crew in such an emotional way. It would do them harm to see her in this state, and so she kept her peace with everyone except Liara.

And so she forced a neutral expression onto her face and started to head back to her quarters.

Joker's voice came through her headset then. "Commander, the Illusive Man is sending a transmission."

Shepard's lip twitched. She didn't have the energy to spend on that sick bastard now. "Tell him I'm not home," she droned into the mic.

"I'm afraid you'll have to excuse the interruption, Shepard." Somehow the Illusive Man was transmitting through the ship's comm system; that meant everyone aboard could now hear him. What an asshole.

"There's something I'd like to discuss with you as soon as possible. It's a private matter, and one I think you'll be pleased to hear. I'll expect you in…" She imagined he was glancing down at his watch and taking a long drag off his cigarette during this pause. "…exactly two minutes. Go."

"Dammit," Shepard grumbled.

"Uh, Commander?" Joker came again through the headset. "Remind me again why we're still working with that guy?"

"He pays the bills, Joker."

"Right."

Shepard rolled her eyes, the sarcasm lightening her mood slightly, and began jogging toward the communications room. The holographic transmitter hummed to life as darkness descended. For all intents and purposes, she was standing in the lair of the Illusive Man… wherever that was.

"Shepard," the Illusive Man said emotionlessly, flicking his cigarette into the built-in ashtray of his chair. "Glad you could make it."

"Let's not waste time," Shepard spat. "What's so important you had to mock me in front of my entire crew?"

"I find it rather amusing, the way you continue to play the high and mighty hypocrite. You don't agree with my methods or my ethics, but you have no qualms about spending my resources. Surely you know where that funding comes from."

"I try not to think about it."

"Probably for the best. Now, let's get down to business, shall we?" He stubbed out the cigarette and lit another while Shepard waited, arms crossed. "It has come to my attention," he said at length, "that the loss of a certain turian crew member has had a less than desirable effect on the Normandy crew. Namely, their commander."

"Garrus was a good friend. His loss is felt by everyone. But his… death isn't affecting my work."

"No. On the contrary, you've been more productive than ever these past few months. Nothing like work to keep your mind off things, eh, Shepard?"

"Get to the point, please. That _certain_ _Turian crew member_ had a lot of responsibilities aboard the Normandy, and Tali and I have had to assume most of them on top of our other duties. So just say what you're gonna say and let me get back to work."

"As you wish," he said, smoke pouring from between his too-perfect teeth. "The point, Shepard, is, you've given a lot to humanity and earned Cerberus a more comfortable reputation than we've ever enjoyed."

"Well, I'll sleep better at night now that you've said that."

"Cut the sarcasm, Shepard. The fact is, I feel I owe you a favor. I'd like to give something back."

"You've given me The Normandy – I don't expect anything else from you."

"I'm not talking about resources, Shepard – nor am I talking about our mission. I'm talking about a gift, from me to you. With my thanks."

Shepard froze. She felt she already knew what he was going to say. In truth, she'd dreamt of the possibilities, but it was just too much to hope for.

"The Lazarus Project," he said slowly, "is up and running again. We are expanding our horizons to include work on alien physiology. More specifically, they have been focusing on asari and turian subjects – all volunteers, I assure you. With the exception of our first non-living candidate, of course."

"What… are you saying?" Was she dreaming again? What other explanation could there be?"

"We've recovered Garrus' remains from the Collector base, thanks to your decision not to destroy it. So far, we've only run a few tests, but… the data is promising. I didn't want to give the green light on the procedure without your consent. What do you say?"

Shepard inhaled deeply. This was no dream. She could bring Garrus back with a nod of her head. If only her own personal desire to have him back were in question, she could have answered then and there. But she knew Garrus' feelings on Cerberus, as well as those of most of her crew. They were a necessary evil, it had been said. Still, how would Garrus react to being brought back by the people he'd condemned for all the atrocities they'd committed? If she had had a say in her own resurrection, would she have proceeded?

"I… need to think about this."

"Of course."

She turned to step out of the holo-imaging ring.

"But Shepard… Think quickly. I'd like to do this for you, but I need a decision soon. This is still business. If it's not Vakarian, it'll be somebody else. There are a lot of wealthy asari out there who would pay a lot to see their short-lived companions brought back. We need to know as soon as possible."

Shepard nodded slowly and the Illusive Man's dark lair dissolved into the bright overhead lights of the Normandy's conference room. She closed her eyes tightly and rested her weight against the railing while the Illusive Man's offer sank in.

She moved like a ghost to the elevator and pressed the holo-button that would take her to her private quarters. Once inside, she locked the door and took a few shuffling steps inside. She glanced to her right, where a framed photograph of Garrus lay face down on the desk. Slowly she moved toward the frame and set it upright again.

She thought back to the first day she'd stepped foot into this room. Cerberus – more accurately, Miranda – had seen to it Kaidan's portrait had been placed on her desk. Another inner-crew relationship gone awry. At the time, Kaidan had seemed a natural choice. He was an excellent soldier, an honest human being and – moreover – he'd been crazy about her. She hadn't realized just how strong his feelings had been until their unexpected reunion on Horizon.

She'd thought about him many times before that meeting. Had she been in love with him, or was it something more casual than that? When it came down to it, she had decided her feelings for him had more likely been brought on by a simple need for companionship in a time when she had felt vulnerable.

It had been different with Garrus. She hadn't considered the possibility of a human/turian relationship until his close brush with death on Omega. Nearly losing him had sparked something in her she never expected to feel.

Shepard brushed her fingers across the glass, imagining she was touching his rough, stony face. They'd had one night to express their feelings for one another. Well, that might have been saying too much. In truth, she was uncertain of Garrus' true feelings; had he viewed her as a friend, or something more than that? Maybe it didn't matter. Still, she felt cheated. That one strange but somehow perfect two hours in her quarters with Garrus had been all she would ever have… until now.

Which was the right decision? Should she bring him back, knowing he might resent her for it, or let his troubled soul rest as nature intended? She reached over to her terminal and paged Tali. Of the current Normandy crew, she had known Garrus the longest (aside from Joker who had never been terribly fond of the turian rebel). Perhaps Tali could offer a fresh perspective on the matter that would help her make a decision.

While she waited, she paced the room. Some of the fish were dead in the tank. She pushed the button to have them removed and another to feed the remaining survivors. Then she sulked over to the sofa and took a seat. It would have been nice to have Garrus come up to the loft again for a glass of wine, or a vid. She remembered the way his strange three-fingered hand had felt brushing against her face, the way his rough skin felt against hers. The experience had left her wanting more. She would have given anything for it to have been him she heard riding the elevator up to her loft.

Instead, it was Tali who buzzed in at the door. It was locked, she remembered, jumping to her feet and running over to turn off the privacy alert. When the door slid open, Tali nodded. "Shepard. What's up?"

"Come in, Tali." Her voice was low and sad; when had she lost the ability to keep her emotions in check around her crew? How could she feel fit to lead others when she couldn't control her own moods?

Tali entered the room and stopped in front of the fish tank, the blue light glowing against her mask.

"Would you like some wine?" Shepard asked absently.

Tali turned and cocked her head to the side. "I wish I could," she said, pointing at her mask. Shepard shook her head at the stupid mistake and headed toward the sofa, gesturing for Tali to follow her.

"Shepard, what's wrong? Is it something the Illusive Man said?"

They sat down on the sofa and for a moment Shepard was silent.

"They found Garrus' body."

"Cerberus?"

She nodded. "And… they want to put him in the Lazarus Project."

Tali stood in surprise. "Keelah. But… Would they really do that?" she asked, stammering. "I didn't think Cerberus had any love for aliens."

"I need to know what you think. I… don't feel comfortable making the decision on my own."

Tali shook her head. "It wasn't right that he didn't come back with the rest of us. I've always felt that way."

"I think everyone did. But still, I don't know if it's right to bring him back."

"He was no fan of Cerberus, that's for sure."

"What should I do, Tali?"

"I can't answer for you, Shepard. But if it were up to me, I would probably try to think of what Garrus would have wanted."

"That's the problem. What if…" She couldn't finish her sentence.

"What if they bring him back and he's angry with you?" Tali was clearly on the same frequency. "I think what you need to ask yourself is, can you go on knowing you had a chance to bring him back and didn't?"

Shepard thought for a long moment before shaking her head. "I don't think I can."

"When do you have to give the Illusive Man an answer?"

"Soon. If I wait too long, they'll pick a different subject."

"Then don't wait. You know what you want." Tali rested a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Would you like me to tell the others?"

"No. I'll do it. Thanks, Tali."

"Would you like me to accompany you?"

Shepard stood and took a deep breath. "I wouldn't put you through that," she said, forcing a gentle laugh. Nobody enjoyed meeting with the Illusive Man. It was all anybody could do to keep from telling him off most of the time.

Moments later, Shepard stepped onto the holo-imaging platform linking the Normandy with the Illusive Man's elusive office. As the Normandy faded and the darkness of his office took shape around her, Shepard secretly wondered when somebody would find him and take him out, the way she and Liara had overthrown the Shadow Broker. It was bound to happen; in her heart, she was almost eager for that day. She smiled slightly to herself then as she realized that was the type of thing Garrus might say.

"Shepard. Back so soon?"

"I've made a decision."

"A favorable one, I hope."

"I want you to go through with the procedure."

"Excellent news." He typed one-handed into the tiny console built into his chair. "I've just given the order for the new Lazarus team to proceed."

"How long will it take?"

"Three months, at best. Plus a week or two to recuperate before he'll be fit to receive visitors. With any luck, there won't be any inside objection to this procedure, and Garrus will be able to take all the time he needs to recover. You weren't so fortunate."

"Three months? It took two _years_ to rebuild me."

"You were a pile of dusty organs and bone shards when we found you. Garrus' body was found relatively intact and there has been almost no decomposition."

Three months. She could see Garrus again in three months.

"I'd like to be there to watch the procedure," she said.

"I'm afraid that's not possible, Shepard. The Lazarus Project is, like all Cerberus business, top secret. I will inform you the moment Garrus is able to receive visitors. You have my word."

She nodded slowly. "Alright, then. Three months."

"Give or take. And don't forget the recuperation period." He took a long drag and blew the smoke out slowly. "You look tired, Shepard. Get some rest." With that he ended their transmission and Shepard was again bathed in the light of the Normandy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two - Waiting

Shepard stared at the terminal in her room, hands poised over the keyboard. She had routed the message from Garrus' father there, hoping it would be easier to know what to say to him from the privacy of her own chambers. It wasn't.

The message was upsetting. Garrus' father was, indeed, the hard-ass he'd been described as.

_Commander Shepard,_

_It has been difficult for my wife and I to accept the death of our only son. I am sorry to admit I was disappointed in him for abandoning C-Sec to join up with a human, and an alliance crew at that. _

_However, he did speak very highly of you and your abilities – that is, when we heard from him, which was rarely. _

_I am not sure what had gotten into him, with these crazy ideas of working outside the law to bring what he called 'justice' to the endless stream of criminals in the galaxy. I only know the time he served with you was the most fulfilling of Garrus' life._

_I hope you and your species appreciate his sacrifice. _

_Sincerely,_

_R. Vakarian_

Project Lazarus had been working to bring Garrus back for two and a half months now. There had been some difficulties, considering his alien physiology, but the Illusive Man assured Shepard things were progressing as planned. Her anxiety grew daily as their reunion edged closer.

Now she was faced with the matter of whether or not to inform Garrus' family of his involuntary enrollment as the first non-human subject in the Lazarus Project. She wondered, as she had many times wondered since the Illusive Man had first informed her of his decision to expand the project that had been designed only for her, why Cerberus had chosen a turian as their next subject. Was it really for her benefit, or was there something more behind their motives?

She sighed and began typing a response to the message.

_Dear Mr. Vakarian,_

_Your son was a valuable member of my crew, and a dear friend. His motives may have seemed reckless, but Garrus never acted out of anything but honorable intentions. Of all the people I have ever served with – human or otherwise – he was without a doubt the most dedicated and honorable._

_Garrus lived by his own code, never letting politics keep him from doing what he knew was right. I only wish there were more people like him in the galaxy; people who aren't afraid to stand up for what they believe in and fight to their last breath to protect those beliefs._

_That being said, I have what I hope will be happy news for you. Garrus has been found alive and is currently recovering from his near-fatal injuries. He is expected to make a full recovery._

_I am certain you will be informed as soon as he is able to see visitors. I look forward to meeting you then._

_Best regards,_

_Kita Shepard, Cdr._

She hit send without bothering to reread the message. She knew she'd only end up retracting something she desperately wanted conveyed to Garrus' father. It bothered her somewhat that she had to lie – especially to a family member – to protect Cerberus.

Once the message was sent, she rose quickly from her chair and headed toward the elevator to get back to work. She'd just arrived on deck three when Miranda's voice came through the comm system.

"Shepard, I need to see you in my office as soon as possible."

"I'm on my way."

Miranda's office door slid open and the high level Cerberus operative glared at her, arms crossed, from her seat behind the long desk. She pressed a button which shut and sealed the door.

"What's this about?" Shepard asked defensively.

"I just intercepted your message to Garrus' father," she answered stiffly. "Needless to say, it will never leave this ship." She rose from her chair before Shepard could interject. "What were you thinking, Shepard? You know as well as anybody that the Lazarus Project is top secret. Do you have any idea what the repercussions could be if that message had been delivered?"

"I didn't mention anything about Cerberus or the Lazarus Project. I don't see the harm in letting his family know Garrus is alive."

"He's not alive," Miranda shouted. "For all we know at this stage, the procedure could fail. What will you tell his father when that happens?"

Shepard swallowed a lump in her throat. "People have a right to know what happens to their loved ones. I don't see the harm in telling Garrus' father he's going to live."

"Even if I agreed with you, the likelihood of that transmission being intercepted by someone other than its intended recipient is well over the acceptable level of chance I'm willing to take. If and when Cerberus deems it necessary to inform Garrus' family, the Illusive Man will decide what is said, how, and by whom. Understand?"

"In other words, you're going to control what Garrus can and cannot tell his family for the rest of his life."

"That's a burden he'll have to live with, I'm afraid. Would you prefer he didn't live at all?"

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "You didn't want him brought back, did you? I can tell from the tone in your voice that you've got a stick up your ass about this."

"Don't be absurd Shepard. I know, perhaps better than anyone, what a valuable asset Vakarian was to this crew and its mission."

"But he's a turian – an alien – and you don't like that. I guess I should've expected that type of reaction from Cerberus."

"Cerberus is _funding_ this project, if you recall. Shepard, you're putting words in my mouth. Where is this all coming from?"

Shepard slunk into the armchair and Miranda again took her seat behind the desk, her face wrinkled with concern.

"I'm sorry, Miranda. Every little thing is setting me off."

"You're nervous about facing Garrus again. Believe me, I know the feeling. I wasn't sure how you were going to react when I brought you back; you might've ripped my bloody head off."

"You took a big chance. But this is different."

"How did you feel when you realized you'd been brought back from the dead? Answering this question might help you deal with your decision to revive Garrus."

Shepard thought back to the day she awoke in the Cerberus facility. "I felt… shocked. The memories of my death came flooding back all at once, but I didn't have a lot of time to process that."

"And once you'd accepted the truth, how did you feel?"

"To be honest, there was a little resentment at first. When I realized I'd been brought back with a purpose, though – that I could continue on with my mission to stop the collectors – I was grateful to you. The question is, will Garrus feel that way about it?"

"It was obvious Garrus was… troubled. He'd been through quite an ordeal, but I think in the end he came out of it stronger."

"Sometimes I'd worry about him. Was he really as strong as he seemed to be, or was he just covering up?"

"It's difficult to say. You should know… he went to see Dr. Chakwas after you talked him out of shooting Sidonis. Their meeting was recorded, of course."

"Forget it. I'm not going to start digging around in his medical file. I can't believe _you _would even suggest such a thing, Miss Top Secret."

"I wasn't suggesting anything, Shepard – merely pointing it out."

Shepard stood, her patience dwindling rapidly, and headed toward the door.

"Shepard…" Miranda's tone was softer now. "I just want you to be aware, pursuing a relationship with Garrus is guaranteed to be an extremely bumpy road. If you want my advice, which I'm sure you don't, you should do what you can to go back to the way things were before the two of you became intimate."

Shepard's eyes went wide in shock and anger. "Oookay, that's enough of this conversation," she chanted loudly, overriding Miranda's seal on the door and leaving the office without a backward glance.

She breathed a sigh of relief as the doors whooshed shut behind her and shook her head in disbelief. Miranda's ability to stay well-informed and overly-opinionated in her business never ceased to amaze Shepard, and it often pissed her off. Something was wrong with her, and it was more than just a little gene modification.

Shepard could remember thinking wishing Miranda had been the one to perish on the suicide mission instead of Garrus. She knew it was wrong, but grief can make you say and think horrible things. At least she'd held it together well enough never to voice the opinion.

She sighed again, realizing none of this really mattered now. She glanced to her left, down the corridor, to the door which lead to the Normandy's forward battery. She's always been able to find Garrus there; just the sight of him standing at the console had put her at ease. It had been a comfort to have Tali and him aboard, her two most trusted crewmates from the mission to stop Saren. There had been a time when she'd believed she could've pulled the mission off without them; she knew now how far from the truth that was.

Without realizing it, Shepard headed toward the alcove and, when the doors slid aside, moved to the console and laid her hands on it gently, hoping to feel some remnant of Garrus' life force lingering there. If she did, it was her imagination, for in a hidden facility somewhere in this crazy galaxy, Garrus' heart was beating again.

She wondered if he was conscious yet, but knew he was being kept under heavy anesthesia. In her mind's eye, she could see him lying on the operating table, tubes and wires jutting from his body, completely at the mercy of the Cerberus scientists assigned to carry out the procedure. She hated the idea of leaving him in their hands; they could cancel the project at any time without so much as informing her. For all she knew, Garrus could be taking his last breath (a second time) while she stood here thinking about it.

Shuddering, she pushed away from the console and left the alcove. _Back to work_, she thought as she made her way to the engineering deck.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three – Unstable

The day had finally come. The Lazarus staff hadn't been happy about it, but Garrus had decided for himself that he was ready to be out of the sterile white lab. Shepard smiled as she walked a quick pace down the seemingly endless corridors toward Garrus' private room. According to Miranda's report, the turian had awoken and nearly strangled the doctor standing over him. Once he realized where he was, the first words out of his mouth had reportedly been, "where is Shepard?"

Shepard had laughed as she read the report, despite Miranda's obvious irritation over the incident. The message had ended with a two-paragraph warning about Garrus' "unstable behavior" and so forth. Shepard had merely rolled her eyes at the caution. She knew Garrus – he would be fine.

Finally she turned a corner and came to a group of doctors standing around the door to the laboratory. When their head scientist spotted her, he turned and marched forward to greet her. "Commander Shepard, I presume?"

Shepard nodded. "Where's Garrus?"

"Ahem. I'm Professor Wilkins. Walk with me a moment, will you please?" He set his hand on her shoulder, turning her away from the others and starting at a slow walk down another long corridor.

"What's wrong, Doctor?" A chill went through her. "Did something go wrong? Is Garrus-"

"He's recovering nicely, Shepard. I'm sure you heard about the little incident when we woke him up?"

She tried not to laugh, nodding with what she hoped appeared to be a serious expression of concern.

"Yes, I heard. Is everyone alright?"

"Quite, quite. However… I'm a little perturbed over his behavior. I studied his records extensively, and it was made clear to me that this subject had, on multiple occasions, exhibited signs of extreme mental trauma."

"Hold on a minute, Doc." Shepard stepped in front of him and held her hand up to stop him. "Garrus has had his share of traumatic experiences. It comes with the territory. But he is not unstable. In fact, I'm getting a little sick of everyone talking about him like he's a time bomb waiting to blow."

"Not the expression I might've chosen, but I'm afraid that's just it, Commander. I believe Garrus requires extensive psychotherapy if he is ever to function normally. As his acting commander, you will have to be the one to give the order. I implore you to give this matter great consideration. In our interviews with Garrus since his revival, he has spoken very highly of you. He trusts no one else, and more is our unrest."

"What are you getting at? If you think I'm going to force Garrus into therapy against his will, you're mistaken. I won't do that to him."

"Perhaps you could use your status to convince him to volunteer, then. I implore you Shepard – for your own sake, and for his – don't wait too long. I'll be receiving regular reports on Garrus' condition. Let me assure you, if there is one more outburst like this, I will see to it he is no longer allowed to serve aboard the Normandy."

Shepard reached out and clutched Wilkins by his shirt collar. "Just try it. When I'm done with you, I'll make sure you never work in medicine again."

The doctor, freeing himself from her grasp, straightened his shirt and shook his head. "Threatening me won't get you anywhere, Shepard. Perhaps I should recommend _you_ for counseling."

"Do that, and I'll sic my geth on you." The professor gulped and gestured for Shepard to follow him again. It wasn't long before they came to a door labeled _Turian Subject 001_.

Shepard regarded the door with concern. "How many 'turian subjects' do you plan to have?" she asked boldly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"This is research, Shepard. Everything has a number. Some experiments end with one. It's up to the Illusive Man how far we go."

"And I'm supposed to just turn a blind eye, as usual."

Wilkins smirked. "You've been doing a pretty good job of it so far, Commander. Garrus is just inside. I suggest knocking before you go inside… Unless you enjoy being choked half to death." The professor gave a sloppy 'farewell' salute before turning on his heel and skirting away.

Shepard watched him go until he turned the corner, then approached the door. She knocked, but there was no answer. It wasn't locked, so she touched the palm of her hand to the green panel.

The door slid open to a dimly lit room. There was a large window on the opposite wall, but the auto-shade had been activated so that only a small percentage of the daylight from outside came through.

Garrus sat in a wheelchair near the window. He turned as she entered and nodded casually. "Shepard. Long time no see."

"How are you feeling, Garrus?" she asked, approaching him carefully.

"Never better. Cerberus made some improvements while they were fiddling around with my body. Some of my old aches and pains are gone. Too bad they didn't bother to fix my face – looks like these scars are here to stay."

"Hey," Shepard said coyly, "I like those scars."

She'd expected a witty retort, but instead Garrus turned back toward the window. "Why did you do it, Shepard? Why bring me back?"

It was as she'd feared. How many times had she practiced what she would say? The speech came back slowly. "I had to make a decision. It didn't seem right to let this opportunity pass by."

"Dammit, Shepard. Who gave you the right to play God?"

"Garrus…"

"No, I'm sorry," he sighed. "I guess I'm still in shock. I know why you did it. I would've done the same thing if it'd been you. Fortunately for all of us, somebody _else_ did."

"Maybe I should come back another time." She turned to go, but Garrus called her back.

"No, wait. Stay. Please. I could use a friend right now. Let's talk about something else. What have you been up to since… _you know_? I take it we destroyed the collector base."

"The Illusive Man thought it would be a valuable asset if we kept it."

"Shepard, you didn't."

"I had my qualms. Hell, I still don't know if I made the right choice. But I couldn't let the opportunity to study the collectors pass us by. It could mean the difference between winning or losing against the reapers."

"Well, I can't remember a time when you made a decision I couldn't _live_ with."

Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"That was a joke, Shepard."

"Good one," she replied sarcastically. She hadn't noted any humor in his voice.

Garrus locked the wheels on his chair and hoisted himself to a standing position. "Thank you, Shepard. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful."

He set his hand on her shoulder and pulled her to him in a friendly half-embrace. Shepard wrapped her arms around him. "I missed you, Garrus. It was really… hard."

"Tell me about it. I had to live with your death for two years. I never told you, but… when you died, I kind of lost it. I threw myself into one dangerous situation after another. To be honest, I'm not sure I ever fully recovered. Things only got worse, until you came back. When that seeker swarm grabbed me, I remember thinking… how sorry I was that it was all over."

"We've both been given a second chance."

"Damn right. And I don't intend to waste mine. Whatever happens, I'm with you, Shepard. Through hell or high water, as they say."

Two days later, Garrus boarded the Normandy and was officially reinstated as a crew member. The rest of the crew had gathered near the airlock to greet him.

Shepard had worried the excitement might upset him, but Garrus took the whole thing in stride and seemed perfectly at ease. When asked to say a few words, he relayed a tale about how he'd had to petition to get his old armor back. Cerberus had insisted on replacing the damaged suit with a custom Cerberus uniform. Garrus had won in the end and when they handed his belongings to him, he'd remarked that white wasn't really his color. This story got a hearty laugh from the crew before everyone dispersed to get back to their stations.

Garrus was instructed to work in no more than six-hour shifts but, of course, he ignored the order and was still in the battery alcove at nearly 2100 hours.

Shepard walked in around that time and, as expected, he was hyper-focused on the console and didn't seem to notice her entrance.

"How's it going in in here, Garrus?"

"The guns took a hell of a beating when we went through that relay. It's going to take weeks to recalibrate the system."

"I was talking about you. How are you adjusting to being back?"

"Time stands still for the dead, Shepard. But you already knew that."

She'd been eager to clarify the status of their relationship, but it was a difficult subject to breech. Instead, she thought she'd extend a friendly invitation to spend time together and see what happened behind closed doors.

"Do you want to come up for a vid later? Tali downloaded Fleet and Flotilla. I had it routed to my quarters."

Garrus paused a moment before turning around. "Yeah. Sure. That sounds… nice."

She could sense the insincerity in his tone and feared she might be pushing him too quickly. Instead of retracting the offer, she smiled and said, "see you soon?"

"Sure, Shepard. Just let me finish up here and I'll be on my way.

It was six minutes shy of 2300 hours when the door to her quarters finally opened. She'd nearly dozed off on the sofa waiting for him and was groggy as she stood up and walked toward the door. Garrus had not changed out of his armor. "Sorry I'm late. The guns are in bad shape. We still on for the vid?"

"I've got it all ready to go. Have a seat."

They sat on the sofa an arm's length apart and the vid started. Shepard glanced sidelong at Garrus occasionally, trying to read his face. This was especially difficult with turians, but he seemed content and so she scooted a little closer and leaned against his shoulder. He looked down at her without turning his head, then returned his attention to the vid. Was that a bad sign, or a good one? It was hard to tell, but he didn't pull away and so neither did she.

Another half hour into the movie, there was a touching scene taking place between a mixed species couple. She hoped the symbolism wasn't coming on too strong. She took the opportunity to reach over and take Garrus' hand which rested casually on his knee. The moment her hand brushed his, however, she regretted the move, for Garrus instantly pulled his hand away and stood up.

"Listen, Shepard, I don't want to humiliate you, but I don't know if I can do this. That night we spent together was great, but I don't know if I'm ready to take this to another level. You're my best friend… My only friend. I don't want to screw that up like I do with everything else."

Shepard bowed her head. "I thought you and I had something special."

"We do. That's the point," he said with a familiar head scratch. "Look, it's late. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

And then he was gone. Shepard was left standing in her quarters alone, feeling like a fool. She told herself to brush it off. She was a soldier, a commander on a mission of galactic importance. She took a deep breath, turned the vid off and went to bed.

The next morning, Yeoman Chambers informed her that the Illusive Man was waiting to speak with her. Didn't that old bastard have anything better to do than torment her with lies and deceit?

Evidently not. The moment his office materialized around her, he started in. "Shepard. How is Garrus acclimatizing to being back on the Normandy?"

"Like he never left," she half-lied.

"I received a report from a Professor Wilkins working on the Lazarus Project."

"They guy's a crackpot, if you want my opinion."

"Last time I checked, Shepard, you weren't a doctor. I want you to get Garrus into therapy. I don't care how you do it, but do it soon."

"I know my crew. Garrus doesn't need therapy."

"Then I'll make it mandatory for all crewmembers to have weekly sessions. Although, that might interfere with productivity, don't you think?"

"Look – you put me in charge for a reason. Let me handle crew issues."

"It seems to me you're allowing your personal feelings for Garrus to interfere with your command responsibilities."

"You're wrong. Garrus and I-"

"Shepard, I think you'd be wise not to force my hand." With that statement, the Illusive Man cut the transmission and the darkness gave way to the Normandy's briefing room once again.

"What a bastard," Shepard muttered on her way to the tech lab. Maybe Mordin could provide some much-needed insight. She found the salarian doctor scrolling through a datapad, pacing the room as he read. When she entered, he stopped and looked up.

"Shepard. Help you with something?"

"How's it going, Mordin?"

"Just going over Maelon's research for Genophage cure. Most intriguing. Haven't had time to look at it until now." Then he paused and sniffed once – his way of going from one subject to another – then set the datapad down. "Good to have Garrus back. Heard about Illusive Man's order for psychotherapy. Might be a good idea. Might not. Can only hypothesize at this point."

"That's what I wanted to discuss with you. In your _medical _opinion, does Garrus needs therapy?"

"Couldn't hurt. You disagree?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Hell, I think all of us could use an outside party to talk to. I just don't know how to give Garrus the order."

Mordin shook his head remorsefully. "Illusive Man should give it himself. My opinion. However, as you stated, most of the crew could find therapy sessions beneficial. Suggest open door policy. See what happens. Garrus may go without prompting."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then, right where you started. No worse off. Buy you some time."

Shepard nodded considerately. "It's worth a shot."

As she turned to go, Mordin called after her. "Curious, Shepard. Out of posterity only. Intimate relations between human and turian a success?"

Shepard rolled her eyes. "As well as could be expected for a first time."

"Hmm. Tone indicates further encounters unlikely. Something I should know?"

"Since when did you become the gossip queen?"

"Not gossip," he retorted, clearly offended. "For posterity, as previously stated. Interspecies relationships a minor interest of mine. Would be grateful for any useful data."

"Let's just say Garrus isn't exactly beating down my door."

"Apologies, Shepard. Surprising. Change of heart… unexpected."

"Why unexpected?"

"No. No, no, no! Said too much already. Doctor-patient confidentiality must remain sacred trust."

"You talked to Garrus?"

Mordin blinked a couple times. "Can say no more." He scooped the data pad up and turned his back to her. "Have to get back to work. So much data. Never enough time to go over it all."

Shepard sighed and trudged out of the lab, toward the elevator. It was getting late, she realized. Upon reaching the loft, she sat down at her terminal and typed up the announcement regarding the therapy sessions that would now be available to the entire crew.

She sent a second message directly to Yeoman Chambers' terminal, apologizing for sending the previous message before speaking with her. This could very likely be a serious overload on her already busy schedule. She held a degree in psychology and was placed on the crew to monitor behavior and relationships between shipmates. Of course, the reply came only a moment later assuring the commander it was no problem, and that she looked forward to the sessions with the crew.

Shepard leaned back in her chair. She only hoped a certain turian crewman would be so eager to take part.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – Clearing the Air

That night, Shepard couldn't sleep. She lay with her face partially buried in one pillow, and the other clutched against her chest, going over her mental to-do list for the tenth time since she'd gone to bed. Anything to stay distracted from the awkwardly depressing means by which she'd alienated herself from the person she'd brought back from the dead.

Mordin's cryptic words entered her mind, unbidden – and not for the first, or last time. _Change of heart… unexpected. _What had he meant by that? Had Garrus… said something? Expressed feelings for her to the salarian doctor? It seemed so out of character for him, yet her mind wouldn't drop the issue.

"This is ridiculous," she thought aloud, sitting up in bed and throwing the covers aside. She reminded herself of her duties the following morning; of her responsibilities to her crew, humanity and, in truth, the entire galaxy. The reapers were still out there. Even if the collectors had been totally annihilated – which was unlikely – they would find new pawns to exploit. Their taste for human DNA would not be so easily satiated. Time was running out for all sentient life in the galaxy, and she was losing sleep over a man.

_Not just any man_, her brain said defensively. She growled in frustration and rolled out of bed aggressively. What time was it? She glanced at her bedside clock – it was nearly 0300. Surely, Garrus wouldn't be up. Hell, she wasn't going to let the night crew see her tiptoeing through the ship to visit the crew quarters at 3:00 AM. She sat down on her sofa and restarted Fleet and Flotilla from where she and Garrus had left off the night before. She skipped past the remainder of the romance scene and went from there, eventually dozing off on the couch.

The following morning, Shepard woke abruptly from a nightmare – a remnant from her experiences with the Prothean beacons – to find her alarm had been blaring for nearly an hour. "Shit," she muttered, leaping from the sofa.

Five minutes later she was dressed and in the elevator. As it took her down, she shook her head. What would the Illusive Man have to say about her tardiness? Hell, she didn't care at this point. This was still her ship, her crew. In the Alliance, a commander could afford to be late to work once in her career without ever hearing a word about it. _As long as it's only the once_, she told herself.

The elevator stopped, pulling her out of her thoughts, and she glanced up to see which level it had come to. The doors opened to level three, and to Garrus, who stood with a small toolbox in his hand. He flinched ever so slightly as he boarded the elevator, nodding in acknowledgement. "Shepard," he said nonchalantly.

"Garrus," she responded in the same casual tone. She knew she was in control of her face, her voice and mannerisms. Even so, her insides were churning with anxiety as Garrus stood beside her and pressed a button on the control panel. The elevator began to move again and they regarded each other with indifference until it stopped on deck 2. Shepard gave a simple wave of her hand as she stepped past him.

She couldn't help but turn and look at him for a second. His face was as difficult to read as always, but as the doors began to close, Garrus suddenly stuck his arm between them. "Shepard, wait." The doors parted for him and he moved forward so he was standing between them.

"What's up, Garrus?" She crossed her arms and hoped her smile looked sincere.

Garrus looked around, probably noticing how crowded it was here. Then he turned his attention back to her and said quietly, "I wanted to apologize… for the other night. I don't want things to be weird between us."

"Don't worry about it," she said, turning to go. She felt his three-fingered grasp come around her arm and stopped, regarding him with shock. He immediately released her and shifted his weight anxiously.

"I just… Can we talk later?" His voice was so quiet, she wasn't sure she'd heard him right.

"You want to talk?"

He nodded. "Would you mind?"

"Sure, we can talk. When did you have in mind?"

"Off duty, of course."

"Alright, Garrus. Twenty-hundred, crew quarters."

"Perfect." He stood awkwardly for a moment, as if he wanted to say something else. Instead he lightly bumped her shoulder with his hand and backed into the elevator. "Thanks, Shepard."

She nodded as the doors closed, shutting him in and leaving her to face the morning. As she approached her terminal, Yeoman Chambers smiled knowingly at her. "I've already got two appointments scheduled," she whispered excitedly. "Unfortunately, Garrus isn't among them, but I'll see what I can do to get him in. I'm sorry you were put in such an uncomfortable situation, Shepard. I tried to explain to the Illusive Man that pushing a crewmate into something like this only creates distrust." She shrugged then. "Of course it didn't do any good."

Shepard shook her head. "I appreciate it, Kelly. Any other news?"

"You have a message at your terminal."

"Thanks. Carry on."

"Commander."

Shepard's terminal came to live as she approached and she accessed her private transmissions. She gritted her teeth when she read the sender ID.

_Commander Shepard,_

_I am highly disturbed by the circulating rumors saying my son is alive. According to gossip, he has been brought back from the dead. I realize the ludicrousness of the idea, but I thought perhaps you could shed some light on the subject. Is my son alive, as they say? _

_Regards,_

_R. Vakarian _

She moved to archive the message, then stopped. Instead, she forwarded it to Miranda's office and thought, _I'll just let her deal with it_. Then something occurred to her. Had Garrus truly not contacted his family yet? Or had Miranda also sabotaged _his_ attempt to send word to his father? Neither would have been more surprising at this point, but she made a mental note to ask him about it tonight.

The terminal beeped at her as another message came through. It was from Liara.

_Greetings, Shepard._

_I wondered if you might lend me your assistance with something of the utmost importance._

_I am attempting to make a traditional drell dinner tonight, but as you may have guessed, I'm not an experienced cook. I could really use your help._

_Only if you have time!_

Shepard considered this for a moment. Knowing Liara, there was more to this invitation than was blatantly obvious. With Miranda monitoring every incoming and outgoing transmission to the Normandy, it wasn't surprising she would choose to hide her true motives.

She responded that she'd be over shortly. They had decided to keep the Normandy alongside Liara's ship. The storm it constantly traversed was the perfect hiding place and the Normandy's shields were perfectly suited to handle the turbulence.

As she headed to the shuttle bay, Miranda appeared behind her. "What the hell, Shepard?"

Shepard turned and put on a superior posture. She was Miranda's commander, and she wouldn't let the Cerberus agent forget it.

"Something bothering you, Miranda?"

"You routed a message to my terminal, if you'd forgotten. What I'd like to know is, what do you expect _me_ to do about it?"

"I expect you to contact Garrus' family, since you won't let _me_ get a message through."

"I told you Cerberus would handle it."

"Which you clearly haven't. I thought you could use a reminder. His family deserves to know what's going on. If you won't do anything about it, I'll go to them in person."

"I don't think the Illusive Man would be very happy about that."

"Then maybe he should consider being honest for once. You can't keep them in the dark forever." With that, she turned her back on Miranda and entered the shuttle bay. Again she had to scold herself. Miranda was just doing her job. It would just be nice if she thought for herself for once; decided for herself what was right or wrong. Miranda was the polar opposite of…

_Garrus._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five – Unexpected News

Liara greeted her at the airlock and whisked her toward an enormous kitchen.

"I thought the cooking thing was just a ruse."

"Well… that's not entirely untrue. I could use some help, but to be honest, drell food is pretty simple. Mostly I wanted to talk."

Shepard knew what was coming. "What about?"

"Well, I don't want to seem intrusive, but… I understand your reunion with Garrus was not what you expected."

"No," she replied, scratching the back of her neck. "Not exactly."

Liara turned a concerned face to her old comrade in arms. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Liara. I can't say I'm not disappointed, but I'll live. Hell, maybe it's better this way. Inter-crew relationships can get messy."

"Perhaps you're right. Only…"

"What is it?"

The asari sighed and moved closer. "I almost feel guilty for saying this. It is a personal matter, after all. As you know, Cerberus has access to technology more advanced than any other organization in the known galaxy."

"With the exception of the reapers."

"As I said – the _known galaxy_. My point is, my sources tell me that before reviving Garrus, Cerberus made a few… modifications to his biology."

Shepard leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms. "What kinds of modifications?"

"Human DNA is toxic to turians, as you know, as theirs is to humans. Ingestion of any bodily fluids from one species by the other can be fatal."

This much, Shepard knew. They had taken extreme caution the night Garrus had come up to the loft just before the suicide mission. It had been awkward but fun in a way, though she remembered thinking how difficult it would be to maintain a physical relationship with Garrus for just that reason. There were precautions that could be taken, of course, but she anticipated it becoming a problem down the road. On the bright side, it seemed she no longer had to worry about it, considering Garrus' decision to keep their relationship platonic.

"The procedure somehow greatly reduces the toxicity of human DNA upon entering his system. As far as I know, it was a success."

Shepard was floored. "How is that possible?"

Liara shrugged. "I'm still looking into it. Even my predecessor had no knowledge of this. If Cerberus were to release this technology to the public, inter-species relationships would most likely become extremely common. I doubt they intend to share it."

"Why would they do that to Garrus?"

Liara's face turned soft, almost apologetic. "Why do you think?"

Shepard's fists clenched of their own will. "This is just one more example of Cerberus sticking their nose where it doesn't belong. Do you think he knows?"

"Perhaps you should ask him that yourself. I would assume he does."

For a moment, Shepard was silent. "Is there any information on humans undergoing these procedures?"

Liara nodded slowly. "To my knowledge, they can recreate the effect in your species. Shepard, I hope I haven't upset you. I just… thought you should know about this."

"You were right to tell me. Thank you."

Liara nodded then went to the refrigerator and pulled out some unusual vegetables. "Now, in exchange for this data, would you mind chopping these for me?"

Shepard smiled and took the vegetables. "I think that's a fair trade."

An hour later, Liara was walking Shepard back to her shuttle. "I hope Feron enjoys the food," Shepard commented.

"I'm sure he will. It's been a while since he had a decent meal. That could be said for me as well, I'm afraid. I've been making an effort to tear away from my data when I can, but… Well, it's difficult at times."

"It's understandable. Just be sure to make time for your personal life."

"You're right. Perhaps I will hire an assistant."

"Take care, Liara." They embraced briefly before Shepard turned to go.

"Be well, Shepard."

Shepard sat in her quarters going over some new data Cerberus had gathered from the collector base. Most of it was still encrypted, but she'd compiled what was available and it was, at the very least, an interesting read.

For the most part, she was interested in the more cultural aspects of the collector civilization – if you could call it that. They seemed to have almost no regard for the life of a single drone and, instead, operated similarly to a network of geth in the sense that individual units were expendable because all sensory data was linked to a central source.

Even as focused as she was on the datapad, she caught herself glancing at the clock every few minutes. Finally it was nearing 20:30 and she decided to put the research aside and take a shower. As the steaming water sprayed against her skin, she was reminded of the night of the suicide mission when Garrus had come up to the loft for the first time. She had never seen Garrus act so awkward and nervous; he always seemed to take everything in stride. Well, nearly everything.

She leaned her face into the stream, allowing the soothing effect of the water to clear her mind and calm her nerves. Once she'd finished rinsing her hair, she shut the water off and reached for her towel. She wiped the steam off the mirror and gazed at her reflection a moment before grabbing her ship clothes and dressing. Her hair was still wet when she stepped into the elevator and selected deck 3.

The crew deck was empty when she arrived. Shepard glanced toward Miranda's office/private quarters and reminded herself to apologize later for her harsh words that morning. There was a new air to this deck since Garrus had been back. His death had left a lingering sadness, here in particular, and she had avoided this part of the ship as much as possible during his absence.

As she reached the door to the crew's quarters where Garrus slept, she decided it best to page before entering. Half a moment later, the door slid open and Garrus greeted her with a nod. The room was otherwise empty.

"Come on in, Shepard. Just tidying up a little." He stepped aside so she could enter and the door closed behind them. There were two mugs of tea sitting on the table near the window, still steaming.

Shepard smiled as Garrus gestured for her to sit. "Is this safe for humans?" she asked teasingly as she settled into the chair.

"I made yours in the red cup. At least, I _think_ it was the red cup…"

Shepard laughed a little at the joke and put the cup to her lips, sipping the fragrant brew.

"So, what's up?" Garrus asked, a mild edge in his tone.

Shepard set her cup down and cocked her head slightly. "You asked me to meet you, Garrus. Tell me what's on your mind."

"Right," he said, dragging the vowel sound out for several seconds. "I guess I just wanted to talk about the other night. I hope I didn't embarrass you."

"It's alright," she lied. "No harm done."

"That's just it, Shepard. I… I feel like I've closed the book on us. That's not what I wanted."

Her heart raced a little as she watched Garrus pace the room.

"What _do _you want?" she asked gently.

Garrus stopped then and looked at the floor. "I'm not sure. I just… I'm hoping you'll give me some time to think. I like you, Shepard. I didn't expect to feel this way. The possibility of us being anything but friends never even dawned on me until you brought it up."

"I guess I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I'm glad you did. It just took me off guard, that's all. And once I started thinking about it, I couldn't _stop._ I had never considered a cross-species relationship before. Hell, I never had much time for dating even before I joined your crew. I guess, without realizing it, I'd resigned myself to a life of bachelorhood. Then you suggested we… you know. And I started thinking differently."

"Different in what way?"

"I decided I didn't like being alone. Your offer was on my mind day and night after that. I was starting to really like the idea of one last hoorah before the big fight. After a while, though, it wasn't just blowing off steam that I thought about. I started looking at you differently, noticing things about you that I'd never really seen before."

Shepard wrinkled her nose at him and he chuckled. "Things like that, for example. It's kind of… cute."

"So where do we go from here?" she asked.

Garrus shrugged. "I don't know. I need to do some thinking. Of course, I'll understand if you don't want to wait for me. I won't hold it against you if you decide you're interested in someone else."

Shepard stood up and made her way over to him. He looked down at her with what seemed to be regret.

"I don't want anybody else, Garrus. I want you."

He bowed his head a little. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I'm sure. And I can wait."

"Thank you, Shepard. I just hope I don't end up wasting your time."

She touched his shoulder. "It wouldn't be a waste. But it _would_ be a letdown."

Garrus' strange scale-like lips pulled back, momentarily revealing a mouth full of long, sharply pointed teeth. She'd never seen this before. "Is that how turians always smile?" she asked.

He relaxed his mouth and shook his head. "No. I've been practicing in the mirror. Practically human, aren't I?"

"I don't need _human_, Garrus," she said, sitting again.

"Well, that's a relief. So, how long have you had an alien fetish, Shepard?"

She laughed as he joined her at the table.

Then his tone turned serious again. "I'm glad we talked, Shepard. I hated having that awkwardness between us."

"Me, too, Garrus."

"This whole resurrection thing really messed my head up. I just want to be completely sure before we pick up where we left off. I'd hate to string you on and then realize I wasn't up to the challenge."

Shepard smiled. "I understand. Take your time."

She was suddenly reminded of the Illusive Man's order to get Garrus into therapy. Once again, she found herself irritated by the nagging thought. Now was no time to bring it up. She'd stick with Chambers' plan a while longer and hope for the best.

When she had finished her tea, she got up to leave. It had been nice reminiscing with Garrus. He'd casually mentioned her past relationship with Kaidan Alenko and inquired about any possible lingering feelings.

"The truth is," she'd said, "I don't think I cared about him the way he wanted. I liked him. He's a great guy, but… That spark just wasn't there for me."

She'd been looking for companionship; he'd been falling in love. She felt guilty, but there was nothing she could do to change her feelings. Even if she'd wanted to pursue Kaidan, at this point it was impossible.

Once she'd finished her tea, she got up to leave. At the door, Garrus said goodnight and brushed his fingers against her cheek briefly. "Sleep good, Shepard."

"You, too, Garrus."

Shepard _did _sleep well that night, a gentle smile lingering on her face. It was the first night of decent sleep she'd had since before heading through the Omega-4 Relay.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six – Revelation

Shepard awoke early, and well rested. While her talk with Garrus hadn't been what she wanted, she knew it had gone better than she could've hoped. It was now clear his affections for her hadn't dissipated and, if that was the case, she could wait as long as he needed.

Meanwhile, it was business as usual. The Normandy crew had been asked to investigate an unusual transmission being broadcast from deep within an abandoned mine shaft. Curiously, Kasumi had volunteered herself to join the team. She'd had a strangely distant look in her shadowed eyes and Shepard couldn't help but think she might know more than she was telling.

She didn't like secrets on her ship, especially between her trusted comrades, but it was pointless to try and avoid these types of things. That's what came of having a crew of the very best the galaxy had to offer. These weren't Alliance soldiers, and this wasn't an Alliance ship. They were her crew, and she would allow them their privacy until it endangered their mission. She only hoped this wouldn't be the case with Kasumi.

Normally, she would've selected Garrus as her second team member, but she worried he might not be one hundred percent yet and therefore opted to take Grunt instead. She only hoped Garrus wouldn't take the decision personally. She decided to drop him a quick line from her terminal before meeting the others in the shuttle bay.

_Garrus – Decided to give you the day to rest. No hard feelings?_

_Shepard_

"Sending love notes on the company's terminal, Shepard?"

Shepard flinched as Kasumi decloaked beside her.

"Sorry. Did I startle you?"

"I'm gonna let that slide, Kasumi."

"How is Garrus? He hasn't exactly been talkative since his… well, his resurrection."

Shepard shrugged. "He was going through some rough stuff even before we lost him. I'm just letting him have his space for the time being. Make sure you do the same."

"I just worry about him. Turians don't exactly have expressive faces, but Garrus just looks so sad to me. I'm glad he's got you to talk to, Shepard."

Shepard nodded. "Kasumi, do you know something about the signal we've been picking up?"

Kasumi's posture changed slightly. "It's only a hunch, but… Well, Keiji and I heard the mine had been repurposed as a storehouse for privateers. We used to joke about having a look – something about the idea of pirate's treasure seemed so romantic – but decided it wasn't worth the risk. The shaft was old and clearly abandoned for a reason."

"And now you're willing to risk it? Why?"

"Someone could be trapped inside. I recommend we bring some sort of mining laser if you have one."

"Is there something you're not telling me, Kasumi?"

"Well… do you remember the little girl I told you about? The one who did the painting in my quarters."

"The child prodigy you rescued from slavers?"

"Yes. When I was searching for her, my sources led me to the cavern. Nobody was there, but it had been in use recently. I can't help but wonder if those same slavers are still using it."

Shepard crossed her arms and shifted her weight to the left. "So you're telling me we're walking into a slaver base?"

"Nothing you couldn't handle with your eyes closed, I assure you. I'm only concerned about any hostages they might be holding there. If they're trapped in the cavern, they'd think nothing of killing the children to save the oxygen for themselves."

"Let's get moving, then."

"I'm right behind you."

Planetside, they found a small shuttle near the entrance of the cavern. It was fitted with black-market guns and a shoddy paint job. Shepard popped the door and nodded as she looked inside. "Fitted for slaves. Looks like you were right, Kasumi."

Grunt let out a low growl and stormed ahead toward the cavern. "Come on," he called over his shoulder. "Let's move some earth!"

The power in the cavern was still on and lights guided their way through the narrow tunnels. It was quiet. There were a few signs that people had been there recently. A half-full coffee cup, a few cigarette butts. Even some food stores that were still fresh. Kasumi nodded as her omni-tool honed in on the transmission when they reached a fork in the tunnel. "Down this way," she said hurriedly. They picked up their pace to a swift jog.

Shepard couldn't help worry about the integrity of the tunnels. Even as they moved through them, she could see and hear bits of stone breaking away and tumbling to the ground. Something caught her attention and she held up a hand to stop the others. They stood in silence, straining their ears.

"…the hostages…"

"Someone's just around the turn there."

Grunt shifted his weight back and forth restlessly. "So let's kill them and dig those other bastards out."

"Nice and easy, Grunt," Shepard warned the too-eager krogan. "These tunnels aren't stable. Unless we want to get trapped ourselves, we need to avoid hitting the walls."

Grunt laughed quietly. "That may be a problem for you, Battlemaster, but my aim is true. Not one round will go to waste."

Kasumi shrugged, and they proceeded to round the corner.

One man stood with his back to them, a cave-in assuming his full attention. He was speaking to someone on his headset – presumably, someone behind the rubble. Grunt took his knee caps out before he knew they'd come and lifted the shrieking slaver into the air.

"Who the hell are you people? Why did you shoot me?"

Shepard put on her bad-cop face. "Who's behind the wall? Slaves?"

"I dunno what you're talkin' about. What the… Oh, God, it hurts! Put me down!"

Shepard nodded and Grunt let the man drop back to the cave floor with a painful thud.

"…I'm losing too much blood. Do you have any medi-gel?"

"I might… if you tell us who's trapped back there."

"Some of my men. We're just miners."

Grunt looked to Shepard, as if to say, "Are you buying this BS?" She wasn't.

"You're going to have to do better than that if you want my help." She had the medi-gel ready and waved her omnitool back and forth in a luring manner.

"Please, I'm telling you the truth! Just give it to me!"

Shepard knelt down and hit the slaver across the face. "I have good reason to believe you're lying to me, and you're not getting my help unless you help me first. Now who is behind that wall?"

"Alright… shit… A couple of my men and some kids. Four of 'em. At least there were four when we brought them down here."

Shepard rose to her feet. "Grunt, let's get these rocks out of the way."

"And once again my talents go to waste on manual labor," the krogan grunted.

With a few carefully calculated laser blasts and Grunt manually clearing the rubble, it still took half an hour to safely take down the wall. All four children were, thankfully, still alive. The Alliance was notified of the slaver base location and were swift to arrest the men. Meanwhile, the children were shuttled back to the Normandy – Kasumi's idea – in order to ensure they would be replaced to their families.

They had barely gotten the children to the med bay for their examinations when Joker came over Shepard's comm.

"Shepard, there's a situation in Miranda's office."

"Jack again?" she asked, already moving.

"Guess again."

A moment later the door to the office parted and she was stopped dead in her tracks.

Garrus and Miranda were standing practically nose to nose exchanging meaningless insults with one another in tones Shepard had never heard either of them use.

"What the hell is going on in here?" she demanded, praying Garrus was not proving the Illusive Man right.

"He was on me about intercepting transmissions that could expose the Lazarus Project."

"Garrus?"

The turian spun toward her. "Did you know about this, Shepard?"

"It's Miranda's job to keep that kind of information under wraps, Garrus. Did you try to contact your family?"

"He sent a message to his sister yesterday – or tried to. My filter caught it."

"I have a right to let my family know I'm alive," he growled furiously at the Cerberus woman.

Miranda sneered, then turned to Shepard. Her expression melted into one of superiority and she crossed her arms across her chest. "Shepard, I told you I'd handle this, and I will. Meanwhile, keep the damn turian on a shorter leash, will you?"

Garrus' hand flew hard into Miranda's smug face, knocking her off her feet. She threw some kind of biotic field around him, restraining him, and notified security. Shepard could only stand and watch in horror as the situation went down. Garrus was clearly in the wrong, and she'd have to deal with that. As much as Miranda's words stung, there was truth to them. That bothered her more than anything else.

Garrus was taken to the brig to "cool down" and not even Shepard's order could free him for the duration of his over-night sentence.

After she had calmed Miranda down, Shepard made the trip to the dreary little cell and stared inside. He sat on the floor in the corner, shoulders slumped. He looked broken, she thought. When he finally noticed her standing there, his head rose slightly.

"I thought I could trust you, Shepard." His words pierced her and she flinched.

"You _can_ trust me," she assured him. "I tried to contact your father, too. She blocked my message on the Illusive Man's order. She assured me Cerberus was coming up with a plan to explain your reappearance to your parents without revealing any top secret information to the public."

"I guess I never told you. My mother's sick. Dying, probably."

She'd seen a private conversation between Garrus and his sister aboard Liara's ship, but wasn't about to let on. "Garrus, I'm so sorry."

"Now maybe you can understand why I need to contact them."

"I understand, but there's nothing I can do to get around Cerberus."

"Dammit, Shepard. You're always the one I can count on to get the job done, no matter what it takes." He pushed himself to his feet then and approached the invisible force field separating them. "So why isn't this important enough for you to break some rules?"

She wanted to promise him she'd find a way, somehow, and soon. Instead, she knew he needed to hear the Illusive Man's verdict.

"Garrus, listen. The Illusive Man wants you to get therapy."

"What?"

"I tried to fight him on this, and I think I was winning, too… until that display in Miranda's office. I've never seen you attack one of your own teammates. I know you're under a lot of stress, but there's no excuse for that kind of behavior on my crew."

Garrus turned away from her then and his posture stiffened. "You want me to resign?"

She hadn't even considered that.

"I want you to get help. I need you strong if we're going to defeat the reapers."

He scoffed. "You and your ideals, Shepard. You know, sometimes you humans are so sickeningly arrogant. I've finally realized… it's all about your ego. Isn't it?"

"Garrus… I know you well enough to know you don't mean that."

"Get out of here, Shepard. I quit. As soon as they let me out of this cell, I'm leaving."

"Will you just stop? Let's talk about this."

"I said get out!" he shouted. He was truly frightening and now she knew she was seeing a side of him he'd only ever let his enemies see before. She hoped he would cool off by the time his sentence was served, but something told her he meant what he'd said.

Shepard closed her eyes, gathering composure. Then her face hardened. "I'm not letting you go," she said firmly. Garrus scoffed, turning his back to her.

"About face, soldier!" she shouted. She'd never had to be so harsh with him before – nor with any other member of the Normandy crew. It didn't feel right.

Garrus complied, slowly.

Shepard punched the control on the wall, lowering the force field, and waited. Slowly, Garrus sat down on his bunk and sighed. _Good_, she thought.

Without speaking, she stepped into his cell and sat down beside him, keeping her hands in her lap. "You ready to talk?" she asked softly. To her surprise, Garrus' eyes began to water and a cloudy liquid leaked down his face. His head dropped and she thought she heard a quiet snivel.

"I'm sorry," he expelled in a hoarse whisper. "You didn't deserve that, Shepard."

The need to remain in control and the desire to comfort Garrus clashed within her. In the end, he won, and she reached out for him. Like a lost child, Garrus fell into her arms, and for a moment all Shepard could hear was his heavy, uneven breathing. She could practically feel the pain radiating from him.

After a few moments, he pulled back, taking her hand in his. "It's really a long story, Shepard. I… was never what they wanted me to be. I always followed my own path. Remember how I told you I wasn't a very good turian? Well, I suppose that strains all the way back from my teenage years. Turian society is… very different from yours. I don't expect you to understand."

"I've studied turians extensively, Garrus… Trying to find ways to better relate to you."

"That's just it," he said. "I don't relate to _them_. Since I got out of the military, I've been fighting tooth and nail to break the mold, to get past all the bureaucratic crap. I've told you enough about my father for you to know that went against everything he'd ever believed. I was so glad to get out of C-Sec, to join you on the Normandy. To fight a battle that would actually _end_ someday, and would make a difference. Then… you died. I lost my team. My mother got diagnosed with a rare and – as far as anyone knows – incurable disease that's going to kill her unless the salarians come up with a miracle cure soon. Everything's gone to shit, except our mission. Maybe that's why haven't seen my family in over two years."

Shepard blinked. "Are you serious?"

He nodded slowly. "Nice son, huh?"

Shepard had her own opinions on the matter – and most of them included justification of his absence from home. It was understandable he wouldn't want to return to a father who was ashamed of him.

"It's not my place to say anything, but I can understand why you've stayed away."

"Yeah. For my own selfish reasons. But I need to see my mother, Shepard. She may not have much time left."

"We can make time for that, Garrus. You don't have to leave the crew. We need you."

"Thanks, Shepard." He looked around warily, then turned back to her. "You'd better go before Miranda tattle-tales on you to the Illusive Man."

Shepard smiled, and planted a kiss on the turian's forehead. "Let her tell. I'm keeping up crew morale."

Something happened between them then. Their eyes locked and soon Shepard felt Garrus' three-fingered hand run up her arm to her shoulder. With his other hand, he traced a finger across her bottom lip as if studying its texture and density. Suddenly his lips pressed against hers – their bony structure against her soft, fragile tissue.

Even that night before the suicide mission, he hadn't kissed her. They'd done other things, of course… but this was clearly not a natural means of expression for turians. There was something special in the act, for this reason.

She was reminded of the experimental procedure Garrus had undergone in the Lazarus lab. Most turians would be killed by ingesting even a sample of human DNA. He'd done it for her, to open the possibility of having a real relationship with her.

When they finally pulled away, she smiled at him. "Where did you learn how to do that?" she asked.

He shrugged casually. "Watched a few vids. You know, nothing dirty."

They shared a short laugh, before curling up together on Garrus' tiny bunk. She closed her eyes, a smile forming on her lips as she felt Garrus' breath against the back of her neck. There was a vibration against her skin when he spoke. "I'll do the therapy," he said. "I know what people are saying about me. And I know they're right. I need help… And, for you, I'm willing to get it. You need me at my best, and I intend to give you my best."

Shepard shifted, rolling onto her other side to face him. "That means a lot, Garrus. And I'm sorry… about the way I said that. I've been holding them off as long as I could. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't," he whispered, resting his chin against her forehead. "I hurt _you_. And for that, I'll always be sorry."

"No," Shepard said. "No more regrets. We're starting fresh, right now. Clean slate."

Garrus laughed softly. "Thanks, Shepard. But you know Cerberus won't be as forgiving as you."

Shepard sighed gently. Garrus was right. He'd physically attacked Miranda – that deed would not go unpunished. What would the Illusive Man have to say about that?

Briefly, she thought back to that bold and desperate day when she and her crew had stolen the Normandy and gone to Ilos. "If it comes down to it," she said slowly, "we'll ditch Cerberus."

"Shepard…"

"I won't let them split this crew up. If I can't have my most trusted people with me, how can I defeat the reapers?"

Garrus gave her a gentle nudge with his face. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven – A Brief Absence

"Shepard?"

She opened her eyes to find Garrus knelt down beside the bunk, his hand running up and down her arm comfortingly.

"Better get up," he said. "I can hear someone coming. It's probably not a good idea for them to find you sleeping in my cell."

Shepard rolled onto her feet and Garrus rose beside her. "Thanks," he whispered, nuzzling her temple. She didn't have time to respond; she slipped out of the cell and quickly reactivated the barrier keeping her companion confined.

Miranda appeared with a guard on her flank. Her expression was cold, but professional as she nodded in acknowledgement of her commander's presence. "I wanted to say a few words to Garrus, if that's alright."

The humility in her voice startled Shepard a little, but she didn't allow that to show on her face. Instead she gestured for Miranda to proceed. The Cerberus agent shook her head, black locks sliding across her shoulders. "Alone, if that's alright."

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the woman, who held up her hands in a defensive posture.

"I won't start anything. I just wanted to update him on some changes to Cerberus policy."

Garrus nodded mildly in consent, to which Shepard said, "I'll see you later, Garrus."

With that, she left Miranda and her presumed body guard alone with him. She had confidence that he would handle anything she might have to say with better candor than last time – not that she blamed him for the fight which had taken place a few hours earlier. Miranda had been out of line, and it wasn't the first time. She'd insulted and humiliated Jack on a previous occasion, and it might have jeopardized their mission if Shepard hadn't intervened.

One thing was for certain: Miranda would not be permitted to upset the careful balance of this crew again. Their mission was far too important to allow such petty disputes to go unreported. The next time she was caught hassling or upsetting the carefully selected crew in any way, the Illusive Man would be receiving a full report. She might be valuable, but she was by no means Shepard's first pick and, truth be told, they could probably do without her if necessary. Shepard hoped it wouldn't come to that.

A few hours later, Garrus arrived in Shepard's quarters – on schedule this time. He looked tired, she thought as she took him in.

"So what happened?" she asked as he approached.

"Miranda apologized to me," he said, with mild humor in his voice. "Well, to the best of her ability, anyway. I think we'll be okay. I told her I'd agreed to attend Chambers' therapy sessions twice a week, and she took the liberty of escorting me to my first appointment."

"I'm sorry, Garrus. Miranda is…"

"Water under the bridge, Shepard. Miranda's the least of my worries. And you have my word… what happened earlier will never happen again. I was completely out of line."

At that, Shepard smiled warmly at him. It was as if he was back to his old self for the time being. She knew better than to hope that was the case, but it was a nice change just the same. Her heart sped a little as his arms slid around her then. His small but lively blue eyes gazed down at her contently.

"I wanted to thank you again," he said as she pressed her head against his chest.

"For what?"

"Well, everything. I thought I could do this without you and I was wrong. But instead of giving up or rubbing that failure in my face, you stayed beside me and let me know, as always, that I could count on you."

"Always," she echoed.

"I'm taking a few days' leave next week," he said then. "I've been given permission to visit my family."

Shepard grinned. "So Miranda _did _pull some strings. That makes me feel better."

"Yeah… I'm a little nervous, though. It'll be hard enough to see my mother in her condition. Somehow, though, I think facing my father will be the worst part."

She knew it was a long shot, but she had to offer. "Would you like me to come with you?"

"Someday, Shepard. But not this time. My parents aren't as accepting of other species as I am. Besides, I'd like to draw as little attention to myself as possible. I hope you understand."

"Of course. Just thought I'd offer."

They moved to the sofa and this time Garrus didn't shy away when Shepard positioned herself against him. His arm came around her shoulders and pulled her close as their vid started.

One week later…

Garrus had been off the ship for three days, and Shepard was feeling restless without him. Instead of wasting time pining for her companion, however, she employed his absence with work. Since he'd been back, the Normandy had been functioning better than it had since they went through the Omega 4 relay. There was still plenty to do, however, as intel about the reapers was being collected at a rapid rate.

That night as she stood in the shower, she thought of their enemies' inevitable approach. The reapers were coming. That much they knew. But how to stop them? _Could_ they be stopped? This was the question that kept her awake most nights, and she knew she wasn't alone. All the petty bickering between the various species in the galaxy meant nothing compared to this threat. It could all be wiped away in a few short decades if nothing was done to stop it – and she had been elected to do so. She would be their savior, and yet nothing resembling a prudent plan of action had as yet been formed.

It was a defeating train of thought; one that threatened to break down her optimism if she didn't end it now. And so, twisting the faucet into the off position, she silenced her mind and stepped away from the shower. Her pre-warmed towel felt nice against her skin as she luxuriated in the act. For a while now, there had been no reason to rush through her grooming rituals – not that she'd ever had many. She'd always been a woman of discipline, getting by with just enough vanity as would keep her looking respectful and professional, without inhibiting her combat abilities.

After a moment of examining her reflection in the steamy mirror, she opened a bottle of the Asari lotion Liara had left for her and smoothed it into her skin. The smell was intoxicating and she found herself sniffing at her shoulders as she stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in the damp towel.

"That's a good look for you, Shepard."

"Garrus!"

He was leaning casually against the glass of the fish tanks, and now held his arms open for her. She settled into them excitedly as they came around her bare shoulders.

"Did you miss me?" he asked, jokingly. She only squeezed him tighter in response. For a moment they stood in silence, enjoying this brief peace while it lasted.

At length, Shepard pulled her face away to examine his. "How did it go?" she asked in a low, serious tone.

Garrus shrugged as she led him toward the sofa.

"Pretty much as I expected, at least where my father was concerned. I got the usual lecture about turian values, my mother skulked out of the room to avoid getting involved, and my sister played the peacekeeper. That's how it always goes."

"Sounds like quite a family reunion," she said, trying to sound cheerful. "How is your mother feeling?"

"Better, surprisingly. The salarians accepted her into a trial program, and it seems to be helping. They still don't know if she'll recover, but it's slowing her degradation anyway."

"I'm glad to hear that," Shepard said. And she _was_ glad. She'd never met the rest of the Vakarians, but knew they were important to Garrus. That was reason enough to care. She only wished his father could appreciate him for what he was, rather than regret what he wasn't. It was a typical father-son relationship, though; an age-old tale, even before humans left Earth to explore the galaxy. She was pleased to know that Garrus' resolve didn't waver, even under the scrutinizing gaze of his overbearing kin.

Even so, a confidence boost couldn't hurt. "I think, deep down, your father is proud of you. I know I am."

"Thanks, Shepard, but you don't know my father."

"I know _you_. And I know how special you are. In his heart, he knows it, too."

Garrus sighed. "For once, I think you're wrong. Even when he thought I was dead, all he could say was I'd thrown my future away to help a _human_ on some insane quest."

Shepard had no response to that. Fortunately, Garrus spoke again before the silence became awkward.

"You know, Shepard, I think this relationship is making you biased."

"How so?"

"You never seem to lose faith in me, no matter how far I sink. Someday… I'm afraid you'll realize what a mess I really am, and want nothing to do with me."

"That's ridiculous, Garrus. My personal feelings aside, you've been an enormous asset to my team since day one. Even if I thought you were the biggest low-life in the galaxy, I'd want you on my team. Nobody could take your place."

Garrus chuckled a little. "I suppose I do have a _few _redeeming qualities, at least where my martial skills are concerned."

"You're damned right," she said, stroking the side of his face gently.

Their eyes locked then, breaking only briefly when his moved down toward her partially exposed bosom.

"What, turian females don't have those?" she joked.

"Not like this," he replied in a low tone. After a moment, he continued. "Remember how I told you I didn't have a fetish for humans?"

She giggled. "Yeah. That one stung a little."

"Yeah, well… I've kind of changed my mind. At least in your case."

"Oh yeah?"

He nodded, skimming his hands around to her front, where the corner of her towel was tucked in against her skin. A rush of heat flowed through her as he slid a finger between her chest and the towel, undoing the secure tuck. The cold blast of air that fell against her now bare front battled with the flame inside.

For a moment, things were a little awkward. The turian seemed to be examining her physiology more than enjoying the view. Then his eyes met with hers again and she took the opportunity to swing her left leg around to his other side.

"So," he mused. "You _are _flexible."

"You have no idea," she replied seductively.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight – Conspiracy

Shepard awoke with a smile and, before opening her eyes, reached across the bed for Garrus only to find she was alone. She sighed – was this going to be typical behavior for him? Was this to be yet another one night stand?

She sat up and rubbed her eyes. As usual, she'd dreamt of the coming Reaper invasion, and the lingering terror hadn't quite subsided.

A noise startled her and she reached for the pistol under her pillow. Garrus didn't even flinch at the weapon aimed at him when he stepped out of the bathroom, clasping the last piece of armor in place as he glanced her way. She lowered the weapon and restored it to its hiding place.

"You're a little jumpy, aren't you?" he asked nonchalantly, flexing his neck after fitting the suit collar into place.

"I might've shot you," she breathed, a little disturbed by his lack of consideration for his own safety.

"I activated my shields before I came out," he said with a touch of humor.

Shepard shook her head and smiled. "For a minute there, I thought you'd run out on me."

"I almost did," he admitted. "But I figured I could wait a few minutes until you woke up."

"I'm glad," she said, sliding out of the bed and stepping toward him. He held his arms open for her as though it were the most natural thing in the world. His armor wasn't the most inviting embrace, but it felt good just to be held. She hoped it would be this way every morning. She wanted to wake up to Garrus from now on.

"So," he said, breaking the mood somewhat. "I've got my first _real _appointment with Yeoman Chambers in half an hour. I'm a little nervous."

"I hope it goes well. This is meant to help you, Garrus, and I want to know right away if it doesn't."

"Relax, Shepard. This isn't the first time I've been forced into some sort of behavioral correction."

She could well imagine this was true, and somehow it made Garrus even more endearing. Every trait she loved and admired in him made him a black sheep in his own society. Somehow, this fact had always bound them. From that first perfect – albeit risky – headshot in Doctor Michel's office, she'd felt this connection.

Even if these new feelings did not exist between them, Garrus was a part of her, and he always would be. Without asking, she knew he felt the same about her. He'd walk through hell on her order – but trusted her enough to know she'd never ask him to unless it was the only option. That was their unspoken promise to one another.

"Want me to walk you there?" she asked. "Or, would that be too conspicuous?"

Garrus shrugged. "I think everybody already knows, but you're probably right. Best to keep this behind closed doors for now."

Shepard nodded in agreement. "I'm going to shower then. See you later?"

"Definitely," he lulled, brushing two of his three fingers through her hair before dipping his forehead down to meet hers. This was becoming their own private cross-species ritual, a sign of affection they could both express easily. They held the position for a long moment before, finally, Garrus lifted his face. "Your place again tonight?"

Shepard grinned. He was asking to see her again, not doing it out of a sense of obligation or guilt. Again she marveled at the strangeness of this. Who would have ever guessed she would feel this way about an alien?

"Sounds great," she said. "Let me know how it does with Kelly – er – Yeoman Chambers."

"Will do," he answered as he made for the door, waving over his shoulder.

Shepard busied herself while the minutes ticked by. Garrus' first therapy session would be over soon and she was eager to know how it went. Eager and, perhaps, a little nervous.

There were roughly ten minutes left of the hour-long session when Shepard received the message from Liara's ship. It was highly encrypted, coded specifically for Shepard.

_Shepard,_

_I thought you might be interested to know my sources have picked up a series of highly encrypted transmissions between several of your past contacts. Upon first examination of this data, it was difficult to pinpoint the relation between these three individuals. After some digging, though, it became obvious. _

_Please join me as soon as possible. I would like to discuss the matter in private._

_-Liara_

"Shit" Shepard muttered after scanning the message for the tenth time. As if they needed any more trouble. The reapers were enough of a threat and, if they had any sense, the galaxy would be setting aside personal disputes and banding together to find a way to prevent total annihilation of sentient life. Wishful thinking.

She shook her head a let out a sigh.

"Shepard?"

She turned to find Garrus coming toward her. Something was a little off about him; his stride was choppy and his body language stiff and defensive. Briefly, she wondered if therapy might actually do more harm than good in Garrus' case.

She stepped instinctively in front of her terminal, blocking it from his view. Shit. He seemed to have noticed, too.

"How did it go with Chambers?" she asked quietly.

Garrus shrugged. "We made a start. She thinks I have 'trust issues' – like I didn't already know that."

Shepard smiled sympathetically, then banished the expression. Garrus didn't want sympathy, and she wouldn't show that face to him again.

"Therapy isn't just about diagnosing the problem, Garrus. It's about opening up and healing. That's what we really want you to get out of it."

"So now it's _'we' _huh? I thought you didn't have anything to do with this?"

"You know I didn't. But I am glad you're doing it, even if I like you the way you are."

Garrus stood for a moment, as if carefully considering his response. Evidently, all that came to him was a simple, "thanks, Shepard." But there was feeling behind it; genuine appreciation.

She resisted the sudden urge to put her arms around his neck and, instead, shifted her weight a bit. "I just hope they don't change you," she whispered. For a moment, they locked eyes and Shepard felt that strange butterfly feeling in her gut. _How juvenile_, she mused. Maybe that was part of the magic of it.

"So, what are you hiding there?" His voice wasn't upset or suspicious when he asked, as if he knew she'd share it with him if he asked.

"I'm… not sure yet. I need to see Liara before..." She stopped as Garrus' mandibles flared as they often did when he was frustrated.

She leaned in closer to him and whispered, "I just received an encrypted transmission from Liara… It's a little disturbing. I'll let you know what's up as soon as I find out myself. Give me two hours."

He simply nodded in response to her request. She loved the way he trusted her. Again, she fought a desire to exchange _some _sort of affectionate contact with him. Fortunately, he acted first, reaching a hand out to touch her face gently. Then his fingers straightened, ran through the chin-length red hair.

He'd made a comment about it the night before; that the first time he'd seen a human, he thought some sort of plant was growing out of the man's head. It had disgusted him at the time. Now, however, he found it very attractive – at least, he added, on her. She smiled and touched her hand to his briefly before they parted ways. Quickly, she erased the message from the terminal – she'd committed it to memory at this point – and headed for the lift.

Precisely two hours later, Garrus, Mordin and Tali stepped onto the observation deck and the door was sealed. Shepard stood with her back to them, staring out into the void as Samara used to from this vantage point.

"What's going on, Shepard?" Tali inquired first. "The Cerberus crew is going to get suspicious of us meeting like this."

Shepard turned slowly.

"Liara sent me a message… she believes one or multiple members of the Normandy crew may have been targeted for assassination. You are all here because, of everyone on board, I trust you to keep this to yourselves." She didn't feel she needed to add, these were the ones she knew could not possibly be involved.

She'd never considered herself paranoid, but in the few minutes she had to consider who would be attending this meeting, these were the names and faces that had come to mind. Joker was the fourth, but pulling the helmsman would have drawn far too much attention. He would have to be contacted in private, later.

"We're going to need to meet aboard Liara's ship to discuss the details."

They nodded in unison, their faces – those she could read – were expressionless.

Tali spoke first. "With all due respect, Shepard – what else is new? We've made many enemies since we began our mission against Saren, the geth and, finally, the Reapers. What makes this any different?"

"Liara didn't give names, but she said at least three people we've had contact with – and assumed were our allies – were involved. More surprisingly, as far as Liara and I ever knew, these people never had any contact with each other."

The crew exchanged glances, unsure of what to make of this data.

"So," she said at length. "Any volunteers?"

Not surprisingly, Garrus lifted a hand. "I'd like to go," he said. "I've been wanting to take a look at the data T'soni has on me, anyway. If we have time, that is."

Shepard nodded. "Who else?"

Mordin was the second volunteer. "Intriguing problem. Would like to hear as much as possible face-to-face. With permission, of course."

Shepard slapped her hands against her thighs and rose to her feet. "Fifteen hundred hours. Meet me in the docking bay. Dismissed."

She was happy to see that Garrus remained seated on the sofa after the others filed out. Once the door closed behind them, she dropped her head into her hands and Garrus drifted over. His arm went around her, alleviated some of her stress instantly.

"I'm with you, Shepard," he whispered.

She turned to him and her face melted into a gentle smile. "You don't know how much that means to me."

He answered by nuzzling her ear affectionately.

"You know… sometimes I feel like a fraud."

"How so?"

"I was selected out of every human being in the galaxy to lead my species to glory. I'm strong, and smart. But it's a lot to handle, sometimes. Honestly, there are times when I just want to drop the armor and curl up under the covers until it's all over."

Garrus stiffened a little, but his hand remained on her back. "Nobody's perfect, Shepard. But you're pretty damn close. You didn't win the respect and admiration of your crew by being a machine."

"No… you're right. But sometimes I just get so tired."

"I wouldn't worry, Shepard. You're still a cut above the rest, even in your weakest moments."

"And you called _me _biased. I think you've got way too much faith in me, Garrus."

Garrus bowed his head. "It's all I've got."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine – Hunted

They'd been lounging on the bed in silence for about twenty minutes, Shepard with her face buried against Garrus' chest as his arm rested around her shoulders. There was something so natural about this, Shepard thought, snuggling closer. Not many people had ever seen her softer, more affectionate side, but with Garrus she couldn't help lapsing into it naturally.

She could never tell him this, but there were times when she wished she could steal away into some unexplored corner of the galaxy – just she and Garrus – where they could forget all about the politics on the Citadel, the racial tension and, most of all, the reapers. Yet this could never be.

Like herself, Garrus was a soldier, a warrior. War gave meaning to the lives of such individuals. And so, she was content in knowing he'd be there with her until the end. Each time she looked over her shoulder, Garrus would be there, standing ready. Broken as he was, there wasn't a soul in this universe more trustworthy and, together, they made a deadly pair.

She knew that, even after the reapers were defeated – oh, yes, they _would_ be defeated – that Garrus would remain her right-hand man. He wouldn't go back to C-Sec, nor to the turian military. He wouldn't go anywhere she couldn't come, too. She knew this without even asking.

"Shepard?" he disturbed her thoughts gently. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, I'm awake," she answered softly. "Something on your mind?"

"Yeah… I've been thinking."

"About what?" Shepard propped herself up on one arm so she could face him and Garrus, in turn, rolled onto his side.

"That day we went after Sidonis… I never really thanked you."

"For what?"

"For stopping me. You were right. I've looked back on that day many times, considering how things might've turned out if I'd taken the shot."

"And?"

"Long story short, I'm not sure I'd have been able to live with the consequences. Before Cerberus brought you back, I'd all but given up. Your death was hard enough to deal with, but back then I still had goals and the wherewithal to accomplish them. After my squad was killed, though… Well, at that point I figured it was all or nothing. So I jumped in, recklessly, not really giving a damn if it killed me, just as long as I took out a few hundred of those low-life mercs in the process."

"Garrus…"

"What I'm saying is, I'm not sure I could've ever come back if I'd taken that shot. The last thing I wanted was to forgive that bastard for what he did… But sometimes we need to have our hands forced. I think you saved me from becoming something terrible that day."

Shepard stroked his face soothingly. "I didn't force your hand, Garrus. You made the decision to let him go. I did what I could to persuade you, but we both know you could've taken the shot at any time, even with me standing in the way. But you didn't. You let him go. You showed compassion to someone who didn't deserve it, and you should be proud of yourself. Not many people would've let him go."

"Thanks, Shepard, but I still say you had more to do with it than I did."

The bedside alarm went off then, letting them know they had less than fifteen minutes to meet Mordin at the shuttle. Shepard dutifully put on her military persona and checked her appearance in the mirror. As she ran her fingers through her hair, Garrus' reflection appeared behind her. She smiled at the symbolism in this.

"I think we make a good-looking couple, Shepard."

She nodded. "Yes. We do." But inwardly, she thought, _are we a couple now?_

The thought was not horrifying, but it made her uneasy for some reason. Even after all she'd been through to reach this point with him, saying it aloud was different.

Once aboard Liara's ship, Garrus, Mordin and Shepard made for the spherical 'office' with haste. Liara welcomed them urgently, then sealed the door behind them.

"I thought it best to discuss this in person, in order to avoid interception. I hope it's not an inconvenience, Shepard."

"Not at all. Show us what you've got, Liara. We've got a lot of enemies. What makes this one worth a second look?"

"His race, for one thing." She handed over a datapad which the three visitors examined briefly.

"A collector," Garrus muttered.

"Unlikely," Mordin fired back. "Collectors mindless automatons. Without reaper control, collectors helpless."

"That was my initial reactions as well," Liara interjected. "But my sources confirm it."

Shepard handed the pad back to Liara. "So where can we find this rogue collector? Have you located a base?"

"A rogue is exactly what he is, Shepard. He has been spotted all over the galaxy in the last two months. It's been suggested he lives aboard a small vessel. As far as I know, he has not enlisted help in this venture, though it is possible he has contacts on Omega as well as Illium."

"How does a collector roam free in the open without being questioned?" Garrus asked.

"There have been several attempts to question him, actually. He opened fire and fled each time."

"Any idea what he's after?" Shepard asked.

Liara turned to face her directly. "You. Or, more specifically, anybody who might lead him to you and your crew."

Shepard considered this for a moment. "You don't suppose there's any chance he's on our side?"

Liara shrugged delicately. "I'm afraid I have no idea, Shepard. I'm sorry. I'll do what I can to find out more. In the meantime, I think it would be wise to restrict your crew to the Normandy when possible. Shore leave should only be taken in groups of three or more."

Shepard nodded. "I agree. I'll make the announcement once we're back aboard."

"I don't think that would be wise,' Liara protested. "Cerberus would jump on you over a command like that."

"I trust my crew unfailingly. We've been through hell together."

"Of course, Shepard." She sounded hesitant.

"Maybe you're right. I'll figure something out."

"Thank you Shepard. I will let you know when I have more information for you. It's possible I will be able to contact the collector. If he is not hostile – which is unlikely – I may be able to set up a meeting."

Shepard nodded. "I think our paths are going to have to cross sometime. If we have to take him out, we'll be ready."

"Understood."

Shepard exchanged glances with Garrus and Mordin then. "We should get back to the Normandy."

"Farewell, Shepard."

Garrus, Mordin and Shepard were silent most of the way back in the shuttle.

At last, Mordin spoke. "A meeting will be… dangerous."

Garrus nodded. "I have a bad feeling about it, too. It's too risky."

"It has to be dealt with sooner or later. I'd rather it be on our terms. Nobody's going to shoot _me_ in the back."

Several days passed aboard the Normandy before Shepard received another encrypted message from Liara. She downloaded it directly to a data pad and destroyed the original transmission. Once safely in her own quarters, she activated the screen and began the decryption.

_Shepard – suspect was seen on Turian home world, Palaven, last night. Two law enforcement agents were killed and three more wounded in an attempt to apprehend him. My sources have since discovered he was detected trailing the Flotilla recently. Possible identification on Kahje as well. There can be no doubt now. He is attempting to gather intel about, or from, your crew members._

She reread the message a second time. So, he was after her people. It was a frightening thought. Who could have so much information on them? Most of her crew were aboard the Normandy unbeknownst even to their families – Garrus included. Thane had not been on Kahje for several years and, to her knowledge, neither had any of the other absent crew members.

After erasing Liara's message from the pad, Shepard set it down on her bedside table and let herself fall into the pillows.

She did not like being hunted. Furthermore, she despised the idea that her crewmates – her friends – might be in danger, despite best efforts to remain anonymous.

The door chimed, then opened. She had keyed it to permit Garrus entry whenever she was in the room.

She sat up urgently as the door slid shut behind him.

"Sorry. Did I come at a bad time?" he asked.

"Of course not, Garrus." She smiled, watching him walk toward her. Rising from the bed, she met him halfway. "How was your day?"

Garrus chuckled. "We're like an old married couple, already."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Garrus."

"Sorry, _Commander_."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at the mock formality. "Good to know you've got a thing for women in uniform."

Garrus squeezed her shoulders affectionately. "I've got a thing for you, in _or out_ of uniform."

Laughing felt good, Shepard thought. Her evenings spent with Garrus were a much-appreciated distraction from the stress of her unusually chaotic routine. It was a time to unwind, to share with her companion things beyond their mission, the military and responsibility to life spanning the galaxy.

After a vid, she and Garrus sat entwined in each other on the sofa. Shepard was half asleep against his chest when she felt him shift slightly. She could feel his breath against her cheek but, in her drowsiness, her eyes remained closed.

Gently, he lifted her and carried her over to the bed. He lay the covers over her gently and brushed a strand of her hair aside before moving around to the other side of the bed. She felt him move carefully toward her, snaking his arm ever so lightly across her waist and nuzzling the back of her neck.

Sleep had nearly taken over when she heard him speak.

"I love you."

It was barely a whisper.

Shepard's eyes snapped open, but her body remained still. A cold chill swept over her then as she realized they'd never exchanged these words aloud before. Until now, they hadn't needed to.

Then it dawned on her: _He thinks I'm asleep!_

Her mind began whirling, mixed feelings colliding with one another. Now that Garrus had taken this step – even without intending for her to hear it – what did that mean for their relationship? In their line of work, it was dangerous to become too attached to somebody. Yet she was attached to him - desperately so – whether she said it aloud or not. Why should speaking these words change anything?

Why? She knew why. There was a certain finality to an admission of love for another person. Until now she had been content just knowing he was there. But now… did this really change anything?

Very soon she could hear the change in his breathing that told her he had fallen asleep. Shortly thereafter, her eyes fluttered shut as well.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten – Around and Around

For the next two days, Shepard found herself intentionally avoiding Garrus. The first night, he had gracefully accepted her excuse of not feeling well. The second evening had ended in near-disaster.

The conversation had ended abruptly with the turian letting out a frustrated sigh before storming off to the crew quarters. As she'd watched him go, something unfamiliar tugged from within. What it was, she couldn't be sure. All she knew at that point was how guilty the charade was making her feel. If she didn't figure things out soon, she was going to lose Garrus. After everything they'd been through to make the relationship work… Could she really just throw it away?

Presently, she found she could not sleep. With a gruff whine, she threw off the covers, dressed, and headed to the elevator. For some time, she walked the ship. The night crew was as lively as ever, but somehow the ship felt quiet and remote.

She stopped near a portal and stared into the void.

"Credit for your thoughts," came a disembodied voice.

Kasumi decloaked beside her then, leaning against the wall casually.

"How long have you been watching me?" Shepard demanded.

"Only a minute or two. Sorry. Is this a bad time? I'll go." She kicked off the wall and started to leave, but Shepard called her back.

"Look…" Shepard ran a hand through her hair. "I'm not used to talking about personal matters, but…"

Kasumi smiled. "Say no more, Shepard." Her head turned from side to side. "Why don't we head back to my quarters? These kinds of things are best discussed in private."

Shepard nodded as Kasumi led the way back to her room. Once there, Shepard sat down on one of the barstools while the master thief set herself gingerly onto the black sofa.

"So what's up?" she asked innocently.

"You've been in love before, right? That man, Keiji."

Kasumi's head dropped a little. "I'll always love Keiji."

"How long were you dating before you admitted your feelings?"

Kasumi laughed. "There are some things you don't need to say aloud, Shepard. I'm sure Garrus knows how you feel about him."

Shepard shook her head slightly. "This is awkward for me… The other night, Garrus thought I was sleeping and… he said something."

"What did he say?"

"He said… he loved me. And I don't know what to think now."

"But you love Garrus, right?"

"I'm not sure… For some reason those words scare me."

"Commander Shepard, scared?" She laughed but saw that Shepard was not in the mood for jokes. She bowed her head slowly. "You're worried about crossing that threshold with him. Once you say it, there's no going back."

"Maybe that's it. I never knew my parents. I grew up on the streets. Gang life was easy enough. I never really let anybody get too close. That didn't change when I joined the military. I've been with several men, but never had a serious relationship. Hell, I didn't even know what family could mean until I formed the Normandy crew. Garrus is so important to me. It feels like, if I let myself get carried away, something terrible is going to happen."

"It's not that unusual, Shepard. Forgive me for saying so, but you're not the first person who's felt this way."

"So what should I do?" Asking another person for advice did not come easily. Shepard found her palms were sweating over this sensitive subject.

"Well, you said he thought you were asleep, right?"

Shepard nodded. "I'm pretty sure."

"So, you haven't got anything to worry about. He hasn't said it to you consciously yet. Maybe he never will."

"That doesn't sound like Garrus. He's very forthcoming."

Kasumi shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you, Shepard. If you can't handle the commitment, I suggest you end it now before anybody gets seriously hurt… although, in Garrus' case, it may be too late."

Shepard let her shoulders slump. Somehow she'd been expecting a miraculous cure for her problem, and was disappointed at being told something she already knew.

"You think I should break it off?"

"Well, that's one option. But ask yourself this, Shepard: would you care for him any less if you did? Should something happen to Garrus, would you be any less upset if you were broken up?"

"I… I don't know. Honestly, I'm not sure I'd be able to work with him if we broke up."

Kasumi nodded. "And then you'd be both heartbroken and we would be one valuable crewmember short."

"Then what should I do?"

"I can't tell you what's right for you, Shepard… But if it were me, I wouldn't let anything stop me from being with the man I loved. I don't regret loving Keiji. If I had it to do over again, knowing he was going to die, all I'd do differently is find a way to spend _more_ time with him."

Shepard allowed herself a thin smile. "Thanks, Kasumi."

"Well? What are you sitting around for? Go find Garrus. Let him know how you feel."

Shepard nodded gratefully and jogged out of the lounge.

Moving quickly, she headed for the shared crew quarters, hoping to find Garrus there. Only feet from the door, a voice came over her headset.

"Commander, you have an urgent message incoming."

She stopped and shook her head. "Thanks, EDI. Route it to my terminal."

Once in front of the terminal, she accepted the transmission. It was a live comm signal.

"Shepard?" Liara's voice sounded hurried.

"Liara. What's wrong?"

"We've pinpointed his next destination: a remote trading post on an asteroid in the Hades Gamma cluster. His ship will be arriving in approximately four days."

"Acknowledged. We're on our way. Thanks again, Liara."

"I'll do everything I can," she said, ending the transmission.

Even as Shepard suited up in her own quarters, Miranda burst into the room and strode up to her with the ferocity of a storm.

"What the _hell _is going on here, Shepard?"

"Miranda. I was wondering when you'd show up."

"Do you think this is a game? If there's an assassin after you or any of the crew, I should have been informed!"

Shepard stomped into her boot, making the act as menacing as possible. "I don't know how many times I have to make this clear to you, Miranda, but _I _am in charge of this crew – not you. I kept this information from you for one reason: I knew you'd feel obligated to report it to the Illusive Man."

"You're damned right. Cerberus Command is better equipped to deal with something like this than we are." Miranda was fuming.

"Will you just stop? Think about what you're saying. This rogue collector has been sneaking around, hunting for information about _my _crew, and attacking anyone who tries to approach it. If it knew Cerberus was watching it, it would go into hiding and we'd never see it again."

"And what's wrong with that? Better it disappear than allow it to kill even one member of this crew."

"I've considered every option, Miranda. I don't like keeping secrets, but I did what I had to. If you have any faith in me, you won't let this information leave this room."

Miranda stared helplessly at Shepard for a moment – for the first time, she had no comeback. At length, she murmured, "fine. I'll trust you. For now. But if this situation gets any worse, don't expect me to just sit on my hands and do nothing."

"Fair enough," Shepard said, nodding. Then she stepped toward Miranda and set a hand on the woman's shoulder. "I appreciate your input Miranda. Even though we may not see eye to eye, I don't want you to think you're not valuable to me."

Miranda nodded. "Thank you, Commander." And, with that, she left. As the door whooshed shut behind her, Shepard let out a sigh.

That could have been much worse, she assured herself.

Reaching up to her earpiece, she summoned Garrus and Mordin to meet her in the shuttle bay. She hoped Garrus would be able to keep his head in the game, as she silently vowed to. No matter what happened between them, they had to be able to work together. If they couldn't… Well, the galaxy would suffer for it.

*****IMPORTANT NOTICE: Okay, everyone. When I first started this story, I was very premature in posting chapters which were twice as long as they should be, chalked full of spelling errors, or otherwise not ready to be published. Very soon I am going to go through and revamp the whole thing. I'll give my subscribers time to read this chapter and this notice before I change anything. I don't know if you'll need to re-subscribe… I don't think so because I'm not deleting the story – I'm simply replacing chapters with new versions of them. Well, thanks as always for reading and have a good one!*****


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 – The Truth Comes Out

The station was a dreary, muggy place that resembled Omega in more ways than one. As the squad moved through the dingy corridors to the meeting point, Shepard made a point of keeping her mind sharp and on-task. There was no time for personal matters, and no room for error. One collector shouldn't be a problem, she knew – but something about this struck her as odd.

A second squad had taken the shuttle and set down further ahead. The sniper squad – comprised of Thane, Zaeed and Garrus – would position themselves a good distance from the meeting point, while Shepard, Grunt and Samara met him face-to-face. Miranda and the others would attempt to gather information on the small collector vessel while it was vacant.

She was privately grateful she'd had a good excuse to place Garrus on another squad. They still hadn't reconciled – there just hadn't been time. She feared too much time had passed already. What if Garrus wouldn't take her back?

Quickly she silenced these thoughts and focused entirely on the mission. Their destination was marked as "Abandoned Market Square" and Shepard had made the crew study the layout carefully. They knew every angle, every obstacle and – most importantly – every escape route.

As they came upon the square, Shepard stopped and radioed the other two squads. The sniper squad was in position – it was Zaeed's voice that came over the headset, she noted, and not Garrus'. Tali and Miranda sat in the bar very near the docking cradle while Legion hid near the ship in his – _its_ – compressed form. Miranda was receiving constant reports from EDI as to the collector's position; the ship was currently powering down engines.

"Alright," Shepard said aloud. "Let's move in."

Samara and Grunt nodded in unison and followed Shepard into the square. Assuming tactical positions, they would wait until their mysterious stalker arrived.

A long ten minutes passed before a strange scraping and clicking sound could be heard. It grew louder and louder until, at length, the collector stepped into view. It was well-armed and cautious as it hesitated in the shadows.

Shepard glanced sidelong at Grunt whose finger was tapping restlessly near the trigger of his shotgun. "Easy, Grunt," Shepard warned.

She rose from her position behind an old crate then and holstered her pistol in good faith. The collector stared at her through multiple yellow eyes a moment before stepping forward. It lowered its weapon, but did not abandon it entirely. Samara and Grunt were ready to fire on her order, she knew – and surely the collector knew this as well.

Shepard stopped ten feet from the center of the square and the collector mimicked her. For a long moment they regarded each other with curiosity and distrust.

Finally, Shepard broke the silence. "Can you understand me?" she asked slowly.

The collector chittered. Then, in a deep mechanical voice, "Yes."

Shepard nodded. "Why have you been tracking my crew? What are you after?"

"My primary mission was to gather intelligence on Normandy commander and crew."

"You said that _was _your mission. It's not anymore?"

"My link with Harbinger was… severed."

Avoiding having to verify this, Shepard changed subjects. "If you're no longer in contact with Harbinger, why have you continued your mission?"

"My masters require this data."

Shepard thought for a moment, then set a hand on her hip. "I've got some bad news. The rest of your people are dead. Your base has been captured. Harbinger and the other Reapers are no longer interested in your help."

At this the collector chittered anxiously and Shepard watched as its claws tightened and loosened around the grip of its pistol. At length, its translator voiced, "my masters will not tolerate rebellion."

Shepard assumed a more menacing stance. "And this galaxy won't tolerate annihilation."

At this, the collector chittered, but no translation came through.

Tali's voice came over the head-set then. "Shepard, we're unable to establish a link with the ship's databanks. Legion has suggested sabotage. We _do_ have some explosives…"

"Do it," Shepard said quietly into her mic.

The collector seemed none the wiser.

Returning her attention to it, she said, "my crew has rigged your ship with explosives. You can't escape this station without killing yourself. I want to know everything you can tell me about the Reapers."

"Kill me, and another will take my place. The masters have their eye on you, Shepard. They cannot be stopped."

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "I just told you, you're the only collector left. I'll kill you if I have to, but I think we can work something out."

"You cannot hope to defeat my masters. I am but a pawn. If you kill me, another will replace me. We will never stop hunting you, Shepard."

"It is clear this collector has been severely indoctrinated, Shepard." Samara's voice over her shoulder was cool and steady as always. "It appears unique from the others in only one regard: its ability to act independently and to acknowledge this individuality."

Shepard nodded. "If you surrender, I can grant you sanctuary. But you'll need to answer some questions about your 'masters' for me."

The chitter intensified and the insect-like arms began to tremble menacingly. "I must not be taken into custody. I will die before I betray my masters."

"Are the Reapers controlling you?" Shepard demanded, growing more anxious every second. The strange movements of the collector told her it was getting nervous and, therefore, more dangerous."

"There is no escape for you, Shepard," it uttered, lifting the pistol and pressing the barrel to its own head.

A shot rang out – but from somewhere far away. Shepard stepped back as the collector dropped to its knees. The pistol was flung from its grasp and skittered across the floor until it was out of sight. The creature grasped at its leg as comm chatter blared into Shepard's ear.

That's when she realized what had happened. She listened for a moment while Zaeed spat and swore at Garrus, his voice blaring into her ear via the headset.

"Who the hell told you to take the shot, turian?"

"We needed the collector _alive_," Garrus argued, his voice more muted. "You were just sitting there. If I hadn't taken that shot, this whole trip would've been for nothing."

Shepard intervened then. "Zaeed, stand down. Garrus is right. Radio the ship and have Mordin and Doctor Chakwas standing by."

*****IMPORTANT NOTICE TO MY READERS: I'm sure you've all noticed the spelling errors, exceptionally long chapters and other errors in the early few chapters of this story. I've decided to revamp the story by replacing the old chapters with redone versions. I've also made a few other changes (for example, I just decided to use Kelly Chambers instead of inventing this new character, Kanzaki). I will wait a week or so until most of my subscribers have had a chance to read this notice, and then I'll begin making the changes. Thanks again for reading and have a good one!*****


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard stood with arms crossed, back against the wall of the sick bay back on the Normandy. Mordin and Dr. Chakwas had had little trouble treating the collector's bullet wound, and it was now more a matter of security than keeping the strange alien alive.

"Restraints in place, Commander," Jacob muttered, coming around the operating table where the collector lay unconscious and confined within a kinetic shield (as well as being bound to the table).

"Nice work," Shepard replied, staring at the collector. She turned to Dr. Chakwas then. "Sorry to inconvenience you, Doctor. Let me know the moment that thing wakes up."

"Aye-aye, Commander." Chakwas gave a wave over her shoulder from her computer console.

Shepard gave Jacob a pat on the shoulder that meant 'walk with me.' Outside the sick bay, she turned to him. "You don't seem too happy about this, Jacob."

"I trust your judgment, Shepard. It's just…"

"Speak freely, please."

"I've been thinking. If this collector was hunting us, how many more could there be out there?"

"That thought has passed through my mind, too. It seems to me they're relatively harmless once they're detached from their 'masters.'"

Jacob nodded. "You're probably right. Still, it's a little eerie having that thing onboard the Normandy."

"A necessary evil… for now. Dismissed."

Jacob gave a salute, and was gone. Reluctantly, Shepard turned her head to look toward the forward gun alcove. Should she talk to Garrus now, or later? She sensed the inner gossip within the minds of her crew as they'd shuttled back to the Normandy. They were all thinking the same thing: Shepard is playing favorites now. Garrus can do no wrong.

Were they right?

She let out a heavy sigh and turned toward the forward batteries without allowing herself to change her mind. Unexpectedly, the alcove was vacant. As the door slid shut behind her, she rested her hands on Garrus' console and shut her eyes.

"What am I going to do with you, Garrus?" she muttered into thin air.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" came a disembodied voice.

Shepard started. Garrus' head suddenly popped up from beyond the railing, following by a small toolbox which he set down on the floor before hoisting himself up to the console platform. His armor was a little greasy, she noticed.

"Why didn't you say anything when I walked in?" she demanded.

"Sorry, Commander," he replied, sounding sincere. "It won't happen again."

With another deep sigh, Shepard sat herself down on the crate against the wall and dropped her head into her hands. For a moment Garrus stood over her, waiting.

Finally, she looked up at him. "You made the right call today," she began slowly.

Garrus nodded.

"But… next time, you don't take the shot without my say-so. Are we clear?"

Garrus started to protest, but thought better of it. "Of course, Commander."

Shepard nodded, then there was a long silence between them.

"Was there something else?" he asked.

Shepard gave a single nod. "Yeah." She stood and approached him, stopping two feet away. "That last night we were together… I heard what you said when you thought I was asleep."

Garrus recoiled slightly, turning his head as if embarrassed. "Oh."

"You don't have to say anything, Garrus. I'm the one who has to explain. Problem is, I don't really understand it myself."

Garrus nodded slowly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I understand. This won't affect my performance on the team, if you still want me on the team. It's just… You pursued me, even when you thought I wasn't interested. What did I do to make you change your mind?"

"Nothing," she blurted out quickly. Shepard bowed her head. "I mean, nothing has changed. When you said that, I… I just panicked. It's not the first time someone's told me they loved me, you know."

Garrus sighed. "Kaidan."

Shepard nodded, pushing the memories aside, and continued. "The thing is… this is the first time I've ever truly felt like saying it back."

Garrus tilted his head slightly, but said nothing.

"You can't know how badly I want this to work," she said earnestly. "I care for you… more than I've ever cared for anyone, I think. I never expected this to happen. Not with you, I mean. Despite everything we're facing, I'd found peace with you. I loved knowing you'd be there every night, and every morning. I felt content when you were with me. God, this sounds so corny…"

"It's okay, Shepard. You don't have to say it."

Mustering all her courage, she looked him directly in the eye. "I love you."

Garrus stood as still as a statue for half a moment, or long enough to make Shepard begin to regret admitting her feelings. Then, suddenly, she heard a gentle chuckle deep in his throat. He let his arms fall away from his chest and extended them toward her slowly, touching her face gently, carefully, as if afraid of its fragility.

"I love you, too," he said, bending down to touch his forehead to hers.

Shepard let out a quivering sigh of relief and contentment, then pressed her face against the breastplate of his armor. They held each other for a moment and, finally, Shepard felt as though things were going to be alright. She could face anybody with Garrus at her side. Even the Reaper threat seemed minimal at the moment.

Eventually, noticing the time, they pulled apart slightly. Garrus had a luster in his eyes she'd never seen before. She touched his face with an open palm and kissed the scars there.

"We should get back to work," she said then.

"Yeah. So, your place tonight?"

She laughed. "I'll whip up a pot roast," she joked.

They kissed once more before Shepard (very slowly, very reluctantly) left Garrus.

Giddy – inexplicably so – Shepard breezed through the rest of her day's work with an unusually optimistic attitude. Perhaps that's why she felt little distress when Doctor Chakwas sent word that her new patient – the wounded collector – wanted to see her in private.

"Feeling better?" she asked, keeping her distance. The sick bay was empty, save for the two of them, but Shepard knew Legion was just beyond the door in the AI core. If she couldn't handle the strange alien (which was very unlikely), the geth certainly would be able to.

"Irrelevant question," the collector's translator barked. "I wish to know what you plan to do with this form."

"I hadn't decided yet," Shepard admitted reluctantly. "Before I do anything with you, I want some more answers."

"To receive answers, you must first ask questions," it stated ironically. Shepard smirked in response.

"For starters, how many more like you are there?"

"Many thousands," it responded. "Until you destroyed them."

"They were slaves of the Reapers," Shepard heard herself justifying. "And I wasn't about to risk losing any more of my people." She shook her head then. "That's not what I meant. I want to know how many weren't on the base that day."

"Unknown."

"Your best estimate," Shepard pressed.

"I have no incentive to tell you. As I said, you cannot stop my masters from coming. Their vision will be achieved. It does not matter what happens to me, or to the others like myself. We exist only to serve our masters."

Shepard felt the strange sense of regret she always did in situations like this. Was there anything in the world more pathetic than a creature so conditioned to slavery that it had completely lost its sense of self-preservation? She thought not.

"If you can't tell me what I want to know, I haven't got much use for you," she warned.

The collector remained silent, it's many eyes gleaming beneath the overhead lights. Shepard felt there was something hidden in the creature's gaze, but couldn't know for sure. And so, without excusing herself, she left – notifying the guard outside the door that he could return to his post.

Did it really matter, she asked herself as she returned to her quarters, how many of these rogue collectors there were? They had been severed from Harbinger and, while they would continue to pursue the mission they'd been assigned, it seemed of little consequence compared to the threat of the Reaper invasion. Then she thought of the people this collector had killed to preserve that mission. Had she really grown so accustomed to fatality that their lives didn't matter? She hated to think of herself that way, but the thought remained prominent in her mind as she rode the lift upward.

Brushing aside the dark thoughts, she stepped out of her jumpsuit and into a hot shower. The hot water always did wonders on her body and mind. Just as she'd redressed herself, the door chimed.

"Come in," she said, and the door automatically slid open at her words. Garrus stepped in, dressed in casual attire, and nodded to her as the door slid shut behind him.

"Shepard," he said, tilting his head to the side. "Everything alright?"

Nodding, Shepard moved toward him. He opened his arms to her automatically now and, as he held her, everything else faded into the background.

"I hope you don't mind," she chuckled against his chest.

"Mind?" Garrus echoed curiously, a hint of worry in his tone.

"That I'm using you as a distraction from everything that's going on in the galaxy," she said, half-joking.

Garrus laughed quietly. "You make a nice distraction yourself, Commander."

"Garrus," she scolded him. "When we're alone, just call me Kita, okay?"

"Kita," he repeated. "I like it."

She smiled up at him.

"I hope I'm more than a distraction," he lulled, but she sensed deeper concern in his words.

She kissed his scarred cheek affectionately then and draped her arms around his oddly slender waist. "You know you are," she assured him. "You're everything."

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief, and she realized she'd have to be more careful with his emotions.

"I love you," she almost whispered, feeling his arms tighten around her.

"I love you, too," he replied. "And I love… being able to say it to you. And hearing you say it back."

They shared a warm silence, each smiling at the other, many thoughts passing silently between them.

Finally, Garrus spoke. "Have you decided what to do with the collector?"

Shepard shrugged. "I thought of turning it over to the Alliance," she said. "But I'm not sure what the right thing to do is."

"You know better than anyone that what's right isn't always what's practical. Whatever you decide, I'm with you."

"Thanks, Garrus. That means a lot."

Garrus reached toward her face, then pulled his hand back quickly. Before Shepard could wonder what had repelled him, he jerked the gloves of his outfit off and stuffed them into a pocket. Shepard smiled as the scratchy claws brushed her skin then and placed her hand over his. She swallowed with great anticipation as they ran over her jaw and throat, stopping at her collarbone.

At that moment, an alarm blared at them from all angles of the room. Instinctively, both reached for side-arms that weren't there, and exchanged an almost humorous look before rushing back into the elevator.

"What the hell's going on, Joker?" Shepard hollered into the comm.

"The alarm was triggered in the med bay, Commander."

They reached the scene in half a minute, just as the alarm was silenced. Through the glass, Shepard could see Doctor Chakwas dangling limply from the robotic arms of Legion. She gasped and burst into the room, nearly slipping in a pool of blood just inside the door.

"Shepard-Commander," Legion greeted her in his – _its_ – usual expressionless tone.

Shepard didn't answer; at her feet lay the body of the collector, a gory hole where its chest had been. She looked up again as Legion set Chakwas gently down on a cot and turned to face her.

"Report, Legion," she said carefully, fearing the worst.

"The alien broke free of its restraints and attempted to harm Doctor Chakwas. I detected the struggle. I arrived in time to save Doctor Chakwas. She is merely unconscious."

Shepard glanced back at Garrus briefly, whose own expression offered nothing of use at the moment.

"Legion is correct, Shepard." EDI's synthesized voice came out of nowhere, soothing Shepard's doubt.

"Thank you, Legion." Shepard crouched for a closer examination of the body at her feet and shook her head. "I guess that solves the problem of what to do with it," she muttered to Garrus.

By this time, the rest of the crew had assembled outside the med bay, most of them armed.

"It's alright," she said, addressing all of them at once. "Doctor Chakwas isn't hurt. Everyone return to your stations." The crowd dissipated quickly, and Legion returned to the AI core without another word. Only a couple crewmen remained to clean up and to look after Chakwas.

Back in her quarters, Shepard's head was in a fog. Garrus watched her concernedly from where he sat on the sofa, but said nothing. Somehow he understood her need for silent companionship and she told herself she would thank him for it later. As it was, she found herself pondering the nature of the universe. Was there any rhyme or reason to the things that happened in this life – in _any _life? Every member of her crew and damn near every person she encountered in the galaxy, human or otherwise, had some deep, dark secret. Some terrible tragedy that had changed them forever. Slavery, inter-species prejudice, pointless murder. All these things she had taken for granted were becoming too much to ignore.

And yet… In a way, she felt these things made life all the more sacred. There was great suffering in the galaxy and yet, if asked to choose between their seemingly miserable lives and death, wouldn't most choose to live? That, she decided, was what she fought for.

As she considered this, she glanced up at Garrus, whose expression by now was worrisome. She shook her head, hoping to shake off the strange thoughts that bombarded her, and smiled at him before rising from where she sat on the edge of her bed. Garrus received her with open arms and she gratefully sank into him on the sofa, letting out a deep sigh against his chest.

"Seeing that collector dead really shook you up, huh?" he asked, smoothing back her hair.

"It wasn't the collector… It was… I don't know what. The unpredictability of the universe, maybe. The constant struggle to live. What are we doing here, Garrus? What's the point?"

"Personally? I don't know there is a point. If there is, I'd like to know what it is. The way I see it, though, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is what's important to each individual. I know what that is for me."

Shepard smiled inwardly. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to go off on a tangent. I think I'm just tired."

"Do you want me to go?" There was no hurt in his voice as he asked this.

"No. I'd like you to stay. I feel better when you're here. "

"I'll always be here, Shepard."

Somehow, she knew that was true. Wherever this life took her, Garrus would be there. Even if this relationship couldn't last, she felt confident that nothing would separate them. They would fight and die together, or they would live to grow old together. She was sure there would be many obstacles to overcome – and, somehow, that thought gave her a sudden and unexpected excitement at the prospect of living.

THE END


End file.
